Recently, we were the subjects of bank fraud. After wasting time on the phone with the bank, and then even more time at the bank, generating basically no information, our next step was to file a police report. Time to head… ‘Downtown’. Da Da Dummmm!
It’s intimidating just pulling into a police station. The police cars in the lot. The institutional brick building. The big sign that screams Police. I walked through the heavy double doors and up to the bullet proof window like I was being called to the teacher’s desks after passing notes. There were two officers sitting there, who didn’t even look up. That is, until I accidentally banged my head on the glass. Turns out, there was no window, just a glass wall.
Ow.
I looked around and noticed the men looking at me.
“Can I help you?” one asked.
“Uh, uh…” I stammered. Oh my God! I was in the principal’s office. I didn’t do it!! “I, uh, need to file a police report.”
I watched a tall man in uniform stand up and then disappear. Where’d he go?
Suddenly, a door to the side of me opened, and an unsmiling face ordered, “Come with me.”
OMG I didn’t do it!!!
I could only nod and obey.
The officer led me to a room, where he told me to sit and wait. Alone, I looked around. There were trophies on shelves, a flag, some commemoration plaques. In the corner, cardboard boxes were stacked in a disorderly fashion. I started tapping my fingers on the long wood table.
What was taking so long? I checked my phone. I tapped. I checked. I tapped. I checked.
I had a thought and my neck snapped around. Were there cameras? Were they…. watching me??
Just then, another officer walked in. He was younger and shorter, but with the same serious expression. Apparently, there was no smiling in law enforcement. That was probably the first thing you learn at the academy.
He sat down, pulled out a pen and paper, and got to business. “So tell me what happened.”
“Well, there were at least four accounts opened fraudulently where they transferred money out from our accounts..”
“How much money was stolen?”
“Well none technically be…”
“Wait, wait. Hold up.” He interrupted and sat back in his chair, assessing me cooly. “You said they transferred monies.”
Uh, easy Blue. Did he think I was playing him? Was I about to take the rap?? OMG! I was going DOWN!
I collected myself and explained, slowly. “They transferred the money out of the accounts, but they were still pending when my husband alerted the bank, so I don’t believe any money was actually stolen.”
He nodded and went back to writing. Whew. He didn’t crack me, but from then on, I carefully stuck to the script, revealing only pertinent (that’s police for important) information.
He finished up the report and pushed it my way for approval. I scanned his words. “It’s good.” I said. It was over, but unfortunately my relief translated into small talk when I noticed his sign off, PO Newman.
“Po?” I asked innocently. “Is that your name?”
He came one breath short of snorting with derision. “Police officer.” He said, the idiot remained unspoken, but it was as loud as a bull horn.
I walked out and got into my car totally annoyed. Take yourself a little seriously officer? Sheesh. I was feeling rebellious when I decided to leave the parking lot without wearing my seat belt. Oh yeah, I would. You don’t intimidate me PO!
I pulled out of my spot, feeling wild and free. I put the car into drive and was heading off into the sunset, when I heard him yelling. “Hey!”
Gulp.
I looked back and there he was, standing on the steps motioning to me. Oh my GOD! He knows!! I’m so busted!! I’m ready to come out with my hands up! I opened the door and tentatively stuck my head out. “Uh. Yeah?”
He walked over to the car and handed me a copy of the report. “You forgot this.”
“Oh, uh, thanks.”
No return smile.
I immediately strapped myself and in and pulled away. Whew. I made out. A weight lifted as I drove down toward home, but for some reason, I kept looking in my rear view mirror for those spinning lights.
Anyone got a nail file? (That’s icescreammama for I need a manicure.)
Icescreammama 
