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Monthly Archives: September 2012

Hi-Ho, Hi-Ho… It’s Off to Camp we Go.

 

“Who’s ready to go to camp?!” Howard bellows, carrying bag after bag from our house and jamming them into the trunk of our mini-van. You would think we were leaving for a month instead of two nights, two hours from our home.

 “Camp! Camp! Camp!” My three boys march in their underwear chanting with glee. It’s kind of ironic since the boys just finished up day-camp, where they tried more often than not to have days off, as if I were sending them to work the fields instead of to play and swim all day.

 Typically, my boys are all too happy to stay and play at our toy-infested, warm cookie-smelling, friend-filled house. On a regular basis, they snub both Howard’s and my overtures for activity. Entreats for playing ball in the park are met with rolled eyes and cranky fits. We never go to movies, because my kids would rather sit in the den, watch a DVD and have me serve them popcorn. When we went to Disney World and rode the mono-rail, four year-old Julius kept asking if it would take us back to Long Island.

 I still recall with horror our recent trip to Great Adventure. Hundreds of dollars, a spectacle everywhere you turn and the first thing seven year-old Michael asked was, “Does it have Wifi?”  Then, “Can we just get cotton candy and go home?”

“I hate it here.” Tyler, my oldest, agreed. Well, at least they were getting along.

What have I done to these children?

 “Do we have a lot more stuff?” Howard calls up, and in answer I throw down a giant garbage bag filled with sheets and blankets. “Do we need all this?” he asks, a little annoyed.

 “Nah, you can sleep on all the baseball bats and balls you took.”

 Howard grumbles and drags the bag to the car.

 It’s Labor Day weekend, and for the fifth year in a row, we’re heading to sleep-away camp.

There, with 25 other families, 23 of which we barely know, we will sleep in bunks that feel like styrofoam covered in vinyl. We will share bathrooms with families we are close with but not THAT close. We will wear ratty sweats and flip flops, eat food in the mess hall I would never eat in the outside world, and drink at inappropriate times while our children, who are not allowed to play alone on our front lawn, run wild.

 There is a lake and nightly bonfires. The children are dirty and out at all hours. They carry walkie-talkies and flashlights. They play basketball, baseball, Gaga, and volleyball. They just hang out, and the parents do the same.

 The first couple of years, I had a hard time getting with the program. Of course, my kids were younger, so Howard and I trailed their every move and were exhausted by night fall, falling into a miserable, uncomfortable sleep with our boys. But as they grew, they wanted more independence like the other kids, so I painstakingly doled out bits of freedom like M&M’s. I admit it. I worry. I like them with me. I want to hug them all the time. And then I want them to go away, but just to the other room.

 “Let’s go!” Howard, true to form, is at the door shouting at us to hurry.

 The boys, usually excruciatingly slow to respond, jump to attention.

 “Uh boys? Your clothes?”

 They fall over in a fit of giggles and put on the shorts and tee-shirts I’ve left out for them. One 10 year-old, who shall remain nameless, put his shirt on backwards.

 Julius tugs at me. “I’m hungry.”

 “Didn’t you just have a bowl of cereal?” Howard asks.

 “I’ve got snacks for the car.” I whisper and Howard looks up to the sky for help.

“Okay, ready.” I confirm, lugging a duffle filled with clothes, my 40 pound ‘let’s make a deal’ bag, all while balancing a bottle of Chardonnay under my arm.

 Julius jumps up around my waist. “Snack! Snack!”

 “Out!” I command, and they all race willy-nilly, tumble-bumble and cram themselves into the car.

 We’re not on the road five minutes before the appeal for snacks start up again. I pass out some granola bars (Howard is the first to take one.)

 “So, you guys excited?” I ask.

 “Yes!” Tyler enthusiastically nods.

 “Are we almost there?” Michael asks.

 I ignore that. We left five minutes ago.

 “So do you think you guys would ever want to go to real sleep-away camp?”

I hold my breath. Say no. Say no.

 “No way.” Tyler answers conclusively.

 “I like us all going together.” Michael pipes in.

 “I’d go if you could come.” Julius adds, not quite getting it.

 “Whew.” I think and settle back for the long ride.

 For us, sleep-away camp is something we do as a family. I hope we never outgrow it.

The lake

The night

The bunk

The End

Go Cougars!

Go Cougars!


I was going out for my sister-in-law’s 40th birthday in two hours, and was curled in the fetal position on the living-room floor with barely enough energy to lift my head. One minute I was battling dragons with Julius; the next, my eyes were drooping. When Julius’ dragon swooped in for the kill, I fell over onto the carpet. It was one of those exhausted mommy moments, where even trying to stay awake was torture. I needed to sleep. I would cry if I couldn’t.

I closed my eyes. Semi-conscious, random thoughts ran thru my brain. What will I wear tonight…? How much did I eat today…? I must have dozed, (probably because of my boring thoughts) because I was startled awake by someone sitting on me. It was Michael. “I want milk, mommy.”

“Go way.” I mumbled, but he may not have heard me, as my face was mushed into the carpet, slightly dampened with my drool.

“Mommy I want milk,” He repeated and started bobbing up and down.

“Get off.” I complained in an unflattering, whiny voice. Michael just continued rocking back and forth. “Okay. Okay.” I shifted my body, causing Michael to slide off and sat up. Adjusting my eyes, I looked at the clock. 5:48pm. Crap! That woke me. I was supposed to leave in less than half an hour. I picked myself up and went to dress. (Yes, I got Michael milk, don’t worry.)

It took 15 minutes to get myself to the door and the next 15 minutes to actually step outside it. At 7 and 10 years-old, Michael and Tyler, are better about me going out than little Julius. With him, there’s a drawn out routine of mounting anxiety, 20-50 massive hugs and kisses, until he finally puts on his brave face and backs slowly away waving “Bye-Bye.” He looks like a water fountain with someone holding their thumb over the nozzle, one second away from bursting.

Finally, I closed the door on Howard and the boys, and walked to the car swinging my overnight bag. My former fatigue had abated and was replaced with the caffeine-crack called FREEDOM. I was liberated! No making dinner, cleaning up, getting milk, playing dragons, mediating arguments or bed-time duty tonight! I picked up my sister-in-law and friends and drove to the Gansevoort Hotel on Park Avenue, singing the whole way.

We are checked in by a pretty girl with an accent (Scandinavian?) and go to the room to drop our bags. The room is modern art deco, but all the pictures on the walls have a similar theme – sex. A little weird, but the mattress is cushy and plush. I could be happy just staying here and going to bed. Now that turns me on. I am old. I am tired. I am a loser. Now just hand me my book and bowl of ice cream and get out.

I don’t say this of course. We’re here to celebrate. Howard’s baby sister is no longer the teenager with dark lipstick, bad bangs,  oversized clothes – and the messiest room. Now she’s a natural mom, with the most gorgeous hair, genuine style – and the messiest room. Some things don’t change.

After visiting the roof bar and going to dinner, we are finally ready to go out. It’s 10:45pm, my usual bedtime. The night is gorgeous. There’s a huge line to get into the club at our hotel. Pause. Should we even leave the hotel? It seems pretty popular. Why waste time and money to do the same thing we’d do right here? I look to my cohorts. They are already stepping into a cab. Apparently, I think like a suburban mom.  We head downtown.

I remember a time when getting proofed was nerve-wracking because I was using a fake ID, then there were a few years of smug pride after I turned 21 (take that bouncers!). By the time I was 30, I was pleased to be proofed, and that warm, appreciative feeling lasted for years (Yes, I’m over 21. Giggle giggle.)

Tonight, when I handed my license to an oversized, young man who shined an interrogation light in my face, I was a cougar in a bar filled with drunken cubs. He knew it. I knew it. It took a few nasty tasting shots before I was ultimately able to erase my shame. We popped in to a few more places, then hailed a cab back uptown to our hotel. Practical, suburban mom secretly tsks.

The line at our hotel’s club is still out the door, but we are guests and get right in. It is loud, dark and crowded. Everyone is young, drunk and dancing. We get drinks and dance a little too, but I am very aware that my knees ache and the high sandals I am wearing are no longer comfortable. The 25 year-olds around us don’t seem affected by the same casual complaints. I appreciate watching them. They are at once, insecure and over-confident, trying too hard or too little. Who are they? Who will they be? Their world is still a frightening and fascinating open highway.

We dance some more and then there’s the collective nod all around. It’s time to go. It’s almost 2am. Respectable. I give an inner cheer.  I made it and had fun. I look to my sister-in-law and friends. I remember back when we were the ages of the people in these bars; throwing up in the bathroom and making out with the bartender (Uh, them, not me. 😉 ). It is a long time ago and a minute. Very much changed and all the same. Time is a funny thing.

At 40, some might say it’s all down-hill, but I say, the view is better and it’s a lot easier than climbing to the top, especially with these knees.

Thar she Blows!

I wasn’t prepared for his attack, coming off the week in the hospital where he lay in a drug-induced delusion. I got lazy and soft, enjoying conversations like, “How are you feeling today, dad?”

“I like horses.”

“Oh. Okay then. What do you like about horses?”

“2 o’clock. Definitely at 2 o’clock.”

After a bit, my conscience did get the better of me and I alerted one of the nurses.

“Uh, do you realize my father isn’t making any sense?”

She looked at me blankly. “What do you mean? He made perfect sense this morning.”

“Uh, I don’t think so, because when I spoke with him on the phone last night, he was out of it.”

She stomped into the room.

“Evan! Do you know where you are?” My father playfully hid his face with his hand. “I’ll give you a choice Evan. Are you home or in the hospital or are you at the zoo?”

My father smiled, almost coquettishly, and affirmatively answered. “HOME!”

I looked at her, trying not to appear smug. “I’ll call the doctor,” she said. Good idea.

The doctor came, took one look and said, “He’s zonked. I don’t think he was like this yesterday.”

Oh contraire, doctor.

So they lowered his medicine, and over the next couple of days, I saw some improvement in coherency; then the irritation started creeping back in, until ultimately he returned to his generally miserable, suffering self who above all hated to be in the hospital with people telling him what to do and where he couldn’t go. His disposition was worse but he was getting better.

The doctors informed me that they intended to release him to rehab. Since he had gone to the hospital with nothing but the monkey on his back, I needed to do a little shopping to get him some extra clothes. As I dialed his room, my fingers were crossed that the call would be quick and painless. Maybe a nurse would be with him, and then I’d have to call back later. I could only hope, but hope had failed me before.

“Hi, Dad.”

“When am I getting out of here?”

Uh oh, not a good start.

“I don’t know. You’ve gotten much better. The doctors are saying that you should go to a rehabilitation facility for a week or so to regain your strength.”

“Oh so you’re in charge, making all my decisions. I don’t have any say.”

“Uh, no. You can do whatever you like. I’m relaying what the doctor’s say.”

“I want to go home. I need to think about what I have to do.”

Gritting teeth. “What you need to do is get yourself a little healthier and then go home.”

“You just want to ship me off! Why is every idea I have wrong?!”

Anger rising to intolerable levels, “If you go home, you will lose your benefits to get into the rehab place. Plus, you are not fully recovered and they would take better care of you.”

“So you’re setting me up to fail because I want to go home and MOMMY won’t let me!”

That was it.

I exploded; the words shooting from my mouth like firecrackers. Expletives that one shouldn’t say to anyone, much less one’s sick father, but out they came. F’n crazy. F’n on drugs. F’n ruining my life. On and on I went. Bad daughter. Bad moment.

I took a deep breath. Then I took another. There was silence on the other end of the phone.

“Dad?” I asked, shaky from my emotions and outburst.

“I’m here.” He answered, smaller since I had cut him down.

“I’m sorry.”

He whimpered a bit.

“Dad, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to lose it like that. I was just…”

He cut me off. “I’ll go to the rehab.”

“Really?” I was taken aback. “I mean good. I know you hate it, but it’s for the best.”

“I know and it’s not your fault. We’re in a bad place. I mean, I’m in a bad place and you’re stuck. I’m sorry.”

“Yeah.” I agreed, feeling all my energy drain. “It’s really not good. But tomorrow, it might be better.”

There it was again, hope.

“You sure can curse.” He almost laughed.

“So it seems.” I agreed with equal amusement. “Don’t make me do it again.” I teased.

But we both knew that he would.

Let’s Make a Deal!

I rummaged through my sack searching. “A band aid.” I muttered to myself, then looked up at the expectant man reassuringly. “I know I have one in here somewhere.” I continued hunting while the man looked around the park impatiently, his child holding a scraped finger and howling like a dying animal.

“Wait! Wait! Ah… Here’s one.” I pulled out a crumpled snatch of paper that looked like it was covered in crumbs, dirt and possibly poop (It was chocolate, people). The man looked at the unsanitary offering and looked around again helplessly. “Wait!” I shouted. “I found a better one. Dora!” Now I held up a pristine band aid from my wallet.

He took it gratefully. “Thank you. Look honey,” He showed his daughter. “It’s Dora.” The girl snuffled and wiped her nose in her shirt, before happily accepting the offering. Whew. That was close.

The joke is that if there’s ever a crisis, you want to be near me. My bag can be counted on to have everything in it from food, first aid, a knife (cutting apples!), spoons (for the ice cream, duh), possibly spy equipment, army men, playing cards, coupons, rubber balls… Once I pulled out a Ziploc bag with an ear of corn. Often, I don’t even know what I will pull out next.

So I thought it might be entertaining to give you a peek inside my bag of tricks.

Okay, there’s a lot of crap, but really, not as bad as I thought. I don’t see one Ziploc of old cheese melted to the bag, or an open juice box leaking all over my stuff, or even an army of Pokemon preparing for battle. I’m almost feeling like I should add a rubber chicken for effect. Anyway, let’s see what we’ve got…

Four pens and two pencils. Reasonable. Perfect for anxiety chewing, note scribbling and random lice checks.

Candy. And it’s not for the kids. I like candy. But do you see the apple? I’m not all bad.

Random toys, cards, a tennis ball…

Hmm. What’s this. Oh. Ew.

My ice cream accompaniments… cones, spoons, toppings.. because you just know some time you’ll be at an ice cream store and they won’t have cones, spoons or toppings.

What? Doesn’t everyone carry their own container of sprinkles?

Snack break! I just found random almonds on bottom of bag.

Yum, still good.

Ohh enough sanitary napkins to hand out at a middle school gymnastics meet. Just where I was headed. And I’m sure someone there needs an extra pair of socks. Thank goodness I’ve got that covered.

Hmmm… something big is missing here. Wallet. Check. Sunglasses. Check. Hmmm…

My kindle!! Where is it?? The last time I had it was when I took it out for the gym. OMG. I left it there.

I’ve got to call immediately.

This is not my phone.

Okay, this is my phone.

Hold on…. Whew. My kindle is sitting on the same machine at the gym I left it on five hours ago.

Let’s continue. Here’s my extremely organized baggie of receipts and coupons that would save me so much money if I remembered to use them.

Let’s just get rid of some of the expired ones.

What else… band aids (restocked after the park debacle), kid Tylenol, block, bug spray, mom Advil, wipes.

I’ve got everything a reasonable mom needs for an afternoon or an earthquake. I’m prepared. Ready for anything. I didn’t even show you the moisturizer, safety pins, granola bars, water bottle, random change, mini-flashlight, and….

No. I’m kidding about the wine. Okay, I’ve got to go to Pre-K pick-up now. Where are my keys? Did you see my keys? I mean, they’re huge. How could I misplace them? They should be in here????? Man….!

Found em.

Stop the Presses! I’ve made the Top 13 for Blogger Idol!

Stop the Presses! I’ve made the Top 13 for Blogger Idol!

I really didn’t give it much thought, but I noticed bloggers, here and there, commenting on auditioning for the 2012 Blogger Idol contest. So I checked it out, and with a casual shrug, sent in my blogger audition. I almost retracted and rewrote. It seemed a little down and I have a relatively up blog, but done is done and off I sent it, fully expecting that to be the end of it. Well, lo and behold, what have we here… you are reading one of the top 13!

Here’s what I wrote for my audition piece…

“8…9….10!” The counter shouts. “Ready or not… Here I come!!”

The boy turns around and spies her immediately. She stands quiet as a mouse in the center of the room.  At two years-old, she is still young enough to believe that if she just closes her eyes, she is invisible, but everyone is smiling at her.

At seven years-old she is a stealth spy on an important mission. No one can see her in her black shirt, pants and hat. “Boo!” she yells from behind her mother as she washes the dishes. “Oh, you really got me that time!” her mom says, looking around. But she is gone. She is invisible. Her mom stifles a laugh.

At 14, she stands awkwardly on the outside of the world looking in. Her sweatshirt hood covers her head and she stuffs a chocolate bar in her pocket, thinking, hoping no one will notice her. With a wicked smile and body curving too much for its age, all they do is notice.

At 20, she hides in the back of the class, her long locks covering her eyes, her face always hidden away in a book.  It all draws more attention to her than less.

At 42, with three kids and a mini-van, she schlepps up and down Main Street, lugging groceries and back packs. Her hair is pulled off her face in a ponytail. She wears yoga clothes and sneakers. For almost 20 years, she had it. She walked in, people looked. She smiled, the world smiled back.

Now she looks like she wants to be invisible, but mourns the fact that she actually is.

I don’t want to be invisible anymore. I’m ready to be the next American Blogger Idol.

 

Hineni – “Here I am”

I rummage through my closet looking for an appropriate outfit, not an easy thing for a girl who spends her life in gym clothes and sneakers. I try on at least three different ensembles, but ultimately settle on a 15 year-old black dress that I have worn for pretty much everything from bridal showers to funerals. Today, it’s my fall-back temple dress. Thank goodness for Express in the 90’s.

Shalom! School has begun. Fall is almost here. I am Jewish.

Of course I’m Jewish all year round, but in September we celebrate the high holidays – Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. On Rosh Hashanah, we reflect on the past year, and on Yom Kippur our fate is sealed. Simply put, it’s finals week and report cards are coming.

Today, I’m supposed to be at the temple by 10am because I’ve been given an honor to open the ark encasing the Torah. It’s nice to be acknowledged, but I’m really no good at the religion stuff.  I mean, I send my boys to Hebrew School, attend temple on the holidays and of course, wear my “I heart Jews” tee shirt (kidding); but I can’t read Hebrew, never was a Bat Mitzvah, and feel generally uncomfortable with all things religious. I once said “Jesus Christ” as I tripped into temple and practically fell into the Rabbi. Apparently, I am capable of offending multiple religions simultaneously. I also have said “Amen” to the Rabbi after he sneezed, and once in my flirty, uncomfortable-with-authority awkwardness, suggested to him that the reason it was hot in the temple was because of me. Oh yes I did.

I can’t imagine why they would put me up there on display, and I’m conflicted about why I even accepted. I don’t really want to go, but all I can do now is accept my honor, hopefully not fall off the stage, and then slip quietly into background, which is where I really wanted to be in the first place.

I glance at the clock. 9:45am. Crap. Howard and the boys will just have to meet me. It’s a seven minute walk, but I’m in heels so it’s more like 10 minutes. I start with a brisk pace, but slow down when I trip over the sidewalk and slightly twist my ankle. At 9:58am, I limp into the temple sanctuary and check in. “I made it!” I announce and the administrator hands me a card that says my time is 11:15am. What?? My paper said 10am. I show it to the administrator and he shrugs. What kind of racket is this?

I grab a prayer book and sit down in a semi-breathless huff. I notice the book is new and remember that the temple purchased new books a month or so ago, and that in a moment of sentimentality I had even donated $54 for one of the books to be dedicated to my grandmother who had recently passed.

I flip it open absently and there it is; my grandmother’s inscription. Out of 300 random books, I find my grandmother. Or more accurately, my grandmother finds me. I smile and look around like she’s just placed the book on my chair, but of course, it’s our secret.

The temple president is speaking, and I’m instructed to wait for her to finish before ascending the Bimah (platform). Her running theme is “Hineni” which translates to “Here I am.” She’s trying to inspire people get involved, while thanking the people who do. Hineni. I like it.

She finishes and up I go with a handful of other honorees. I open the ark, the Torah is brought forth, and we are instructed to follow the procession around the congregation. What? Me? No. I didn’t sign up for that. Open. Close. Done. But I’m ushered forward and immediately overwhelmed with people shaking my hand and offering Shana Tova.

Like writing LOL, I have never been comfortable saying Shana Tova. It always felt like I was pretending to be something I’m not. Happy New Year I can say, but here I am clasping hands with dozens of people and Shana Tova’ing like a game show host.

We finally end the procession back on the Bimah. The Torah is put away and the arc closed. I look out from the stage and see my boys, front and center watching me. Julius is dancing a little dance, Michael is bright-eyed and Tyler is smiling wide. I smile back and realize his fly is open. Oops, I think. Hineni.

I return to my seat, flushed and happy to be done. Howard and the boys are there and together we finish out the service. I look around at the congregation and see so many friends and familiar faces. My prayer book with my grandmother’s inscription rests on my lap. I feel warm and connected. Hineni. Here I am.

 

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/06/14/daily-prompt-faith/

Pick Me U

My car is dead.

So I’m running laps around my block waiting for the tow truck guy and thinking about last Wednesday when I spent over an hour on the phone with my father and his home health aide, Jody, debating whether to call 911.

“I think we should call.” I said. “We’ve let it go for days and it has only gotten worse.”

“I hate the hospital.” My father whimpered like a four year-old.

“I know. But this is worse than your usual terrible.”

“I know.” He submitted. “Okay.”

It was almost too easy. Although my father spends the majority of his life at hospitals or doctor’s offices for his many, many, many conditions, often he ignores typical medical ailments that would send others rushing to the doctor. He constantly says, “Yeah, I know that’s bad, but it’s the least of my problems.” He’s not wrong. When you’ve got as many problems as he does, you learn to pick and choose. So when my father concedes that he should go to the hospital, he should go. This must be worse than I thought.

Jody called for an ambulance and they went to the hospital. I was home with Julius (the other boys hopefully enjoying their second day of school), contemplating what to do. Should I go to the hospital? I certainly didn’t want to. It was usually a long wait and my father was a miserable patient. I would have to find coverage for Julius and possibly the bus, if I couldn’t get back in time. He was there with his home health aide. The dual sides of my brain battled it out. Go. Don’t go. He has been hospitalized so many times, for so many things. Every day is something new. Don’t go. The last time I went for a procedure a couple of weeks ago, I spent hours in traffic, more hours sitting around waiting and he barely spoke to me. Don’t go. He doesn’t have anyone. Go. He’s suffering. Go. He’s always suffering. Don’t Go.

Ultimately, the car decided it. I got in and it wouldn’t turn over. It was dead.

So I spent the day on the phone with doctors and the hospital until he was admitted and we had some idea what we were working with. In between, AAA came and towed my car away. They said it was the starter. Sick dad. Sick car.

Yep, last Wednesday was fun, but now it is Monday. I’m running circles around my block, exercising my body and my brain, once again waiting for AAA and a doctor’s call. What will it be this time? I contemplate the problem, the diagnosis, the trouble. When will it end? Will it ever be fixed? It’s never-ending; the same thing but different.  I am stuck, stranded, alone, unsure of what to do, unable to leave, unable to go. Trapped. Just keep running. Around I go.

My dad is in the hospital.

My car is dead.

Towing #1

Towing #2

This man actually towed my car both times. Ground hog day. Ground hog life.

Bedtime Story = Nightmare for Mommy

Bedtime Story = Nightmare for Mommy

Once upon a time, there was a mommy of three boys, Tyler, Michael and Julius. Every day the mommy happily wrote all sorts of stories on her computer, and every night the same thing happened.

“Mommy! Tell us a story!” The three little boys would plead.

The mommy never knew what to do. She would fake a coughing fit or excuse herself to go potty. She distracted (anyone want chocolate?) and demurred. She pleaded exhaustion or a headache. She simply couldn’t tell anyone the truth. She was a terrible storyteller. “Howard!” She would call to her husband. “The boys want a story.” So Howard would trudge into the room with a contrived, heavy sigh, “Another story?”

Tyler, Michael and Julius would nod feverishly, and Howard would pluck a tale from the trees or out of the sky or from a lifetime ago. A man completely incapable of reading a book or communicating a feeling could somehow spin a yarn with a cast of characters, intriguing and funny, getting themselves into all sorts of mischief. He even managed to end with some kind of moral.

Night after night, his stories entranced the boys, their mouths hanging open, glee in their eyes. The mommy listened, equally impressed. How did he do it? She wondered. It made her all the more insecure.

Generally, by the time Howard was finished, all that was required of her was some back tickling and kisses. Easy stuff she loved. But some nights, not often, but some nights, the children would persist in hearing one of her tales. They pitied her and gave her prompts to work with, “Tell us about when you were little?” Tyler would ask. But the mommy had blocked out most of her childhood and could not recall or imagine any of the funny antics that Howard could. “Tell us about a cat, a lizard and a fly?” Julius suggested.

“A cat, lizard and fly…” She pondered a moment. She had it! “There was an old lady who swallowed a cat.” She looked around at their eager faces. “She swallowed the cat to catch the lizard…” Their faces dropped.

“Mom!” They interrupted her, mid brainstorm. “That’s a nursery rhyme,” Michael scolded. “Not a story.”

Defeated.

“I don’t know boys. I have a headache.”

They shook their heads, not accepting it for a minute.

“I’m tired.”

They were enjoying the game and shook their heads again smiling.

“Who wants a drink?”

“No!”

“A snack?”

“NO!”

“Can I read you a story?”

“NO!” They happily shouted.

Wait! What’s that?” The mommy put a hand to her ear. “It’s the phone. Sorry, boys.”

“The phone isn’t ringing!” Tyler said.

“Come on.” Michael demanded. “Just do it!”

“Okay fine.” She finally conceded. “But it’s going to stink.”

“We don’t care.” Tyler encouraged.

“Okay. Here goes…” But nothing would come. “Uh…”

Eye squinting. Deep thinking. Nothing.

“Mom!” They stared at her. Her brain hurt. The pressure was too much.

“Okay, okay.” She began. There once was a mommy of three boys… uh, let’s call them Myler, Jichael and Zulius.”

At that, the boys giggled and the mommy perked a bit. “And this mommy just couldn’t think of a bed time story.”

“Oh no!” The boys said simultaneously.

“Wait. It’s good. So, she pretended to have a headache. The mommy held her head. Ow. Ow. Owwwwwwww.”

They giggled some more.

“And then she pretended to be so tired. YAWN!”

She fell over on the bed. “Zzzzzzzzz!”

“Mommy” Julius said, “Wake up!”

“Oh sorry. Okay, then she decided they needed snacks so she left to go get them apple slices.” She zoomed from the room. “Huffing and puffing, she put the apples on the bed. Then she decided they needed drinks. She ran down to get water.”

Giggles followed her out.

“Huffing and puffing, balancing three cups of water, she tried to be funny. But she was so tired coming back up that she walked right into the wall. The water spilled all over her. She was now wet. Oh man!”

The boys cracked up.

“So of course she had to run back down to get more water. Out the mommy ran, down the stairs and up with three new cups, but when she got back up the floor was still slippery and she fell, water cups flying in the air. She lay on the floor.”

Hysterical laughter filled the room.

Howard walked past, and offered a hand to help her up. “Show off.” He smirked.

She was soaked and may have broken a hip, but the boys were still laughing.

“Okay boys. Time for bed.”

“You didn’t finish!” They protested.

“Oh sorry.” She said as she tucked them in. “Then the mommy had to be taken to the doctor and the boys had to clean up the floor. They got so tired from working, they fell asleep.”

“That was a good story mommy.”

She smiled and kissed their happy, sleepy faces. “Good night, babies. I love you.”

The End.

Done.

Done.

 

Draw the Shades, Honey.*

Draw the Shades, Honey.*

Danielle wished he would look her way. She had been eyeing him from across the boardroom table, hoping to catch his attention, but he was so involved in his presentation he didn’t even notice her. It was hard not to notice him. He stood center of the room, gesticulating wildly. His strong features, animated in defending his work, brought out a palpable energy. His hair, a mass of curls as unruly as his temperament, bounced around as he did. Dan Steel was on fire and the whole room stood at attention, but none so much as his assistant, Danielle.

She had worked for him for over a year now and knew what he was going through. These idiots around the table wouldn’t know a good idea if it hit them in the face, possibly because the only things going into their faces were mouthfuls of muffin. She had worked side by side with Mr. Steel to make sure that every “i” was dotted and every “t” crossed. The campaign was brilliant, why couldn’t they see that? It seemed they were all against him. It made him all the more attractive.

A smarmy, know-it-all, who had the nerve to grip Danielle’s arm before the meeting, look down her blouse and ask for a cup of coffee, started speaking, “Mr. Steel, while I appreciate your efforts here, I don’t believe what you’re suggesting is a right fit for our target.”

Danielle stifled an audible puff of absurdity. The whole boardroom turned toward her. She really had to work on those stifling skills.

Smarmy man raised a brow, “Excuse me, miss? Did you have something to say?”

Danielle flushed deeply at the attention, bringing a gorgeous rose to her high cheeks, and brushed a thick curling wave of hair away from her face. She hesitated, but spoke forward, “I was just thinking that as the demographic you’re seeking to reach, I for one, really respond to this campaign. It speaks to my generation honestly, without pretense or being condescending. Maybe you’d consider an informal focus group of my peers before making any conclusions?”

There was an extended moment of silence while they considered her and her words.
“I like it,” said the figure closest to Mr. Steel. It was John Blake, president of Blake Industries, the company they were pitching the marketing and advertising strategy to.

Commotion and coordination ensued as the teams worked to come up with a plan to test the ideas. As they shuffled from the room, Mr. Blake briefly rested a hand on Danielle’s shoulder. “Nice job, little lady. Hey Dan,” He called out, “give this one a raise. I’m sure you’re not paying her enough.” He winked at Danielle who glowed, happy that she helped, and didn’t make a fool of herself. “Thank you, Mr. Blake. I really like your new product-line.”

“Do you now?” The older magnate said. “Yep, this one’s a keeper, Dan.” He affirmed as he walked out.

The last two left in the room, Dan Steel looked down at Danielle with an unreadable expression. “Yes sir, she is.” He agreed. His eyes bore into her, penetrating her skin, setting fire to her clothes, igniting her from within.

She was naked before him. Bending down, he breathed low and gruff in her ear “That was risky. Don’t take risks with my company.”

Danielle lowered her eyes, focusing on the hard yellow of her high heels to keep steady. “Okay.” She whispered, still unable to meet his gaze. The intensity of his nearness made her light-headed.

“Okay what?” He challenged, his breath like a hot caress.

“Okay, Mr. Steel.”

“I’ll deal with you later in my office.” He bit her lightly on her ear lobe.

She almost melted into the floor.

She couldn’t wait.

*This is a response to write in the style of a writer who influenced you. I chose Danielle Steel because from the age of 17-22 years-old, I couldn’t put her books down. At the time, she inspired me so much that I tried my hand at my own romance novel. It still sits waiting, yearning for someone’s touch under my smoldering, hot bed. Come on, you know you want it.

 

Set Them Free

“Okay boys, time to go.”

My boys continued staring at the television, transfixed by a sponge wearing pants.

“Hello? Boys?”

Nothing.

I sighed, but wasn’t surprised. I was used to talking to myself. It seemed I could speak directly to my children, literally in their faces, but if the TV was on, their brains were off, and they could completely block me out. It’s both amazing and extremely annoying.

Outside Howard was beeping the car horn like he had every answer on quick-fire jeopardy.  We were going upstate to visit the grandparents and to return the salamanders we captured there over a month ago to their natural habitat; but first I had to get my children out of the house. It’s an everyday battle.

“Michael, let’s go bike ride.”
“I want to stay inside!  Call Noah to come over.”

“Tyler let’s go play ball.”
“NOOOOOOoooooo….” Return to blank TV stare.

“Julius, how ‘bout a walk around the block?”
Foot stamping, arm folding, “I don’t wannna! I wanna play Gold Fish!”

I may be partly to blame for their homey natures, but I prefer to blame society. When I was growing up, I had the run of my neighborhood; while at 10, Tyler isn’t even allowed to walk down the block to his friend. It’s the culture of the day to keep them close, protected. So while I do push them out on the lawn (where I keep watch), and have friends over (where I keep watch), and have them involved in many sport activities (where I drive, Howard coaches and I, you got it,  keep watch), they are now creatures of habit and home. It’s just not the same world anymore.

We make it to the bungalows. The boys are like panting pups, ready to race outside to run wild, but Howard grabs the salamander container. “We’re going to release these guys first.”

Groans.

“Can’t we do it later?” Michael whines.

“We want to go by the paddle courts.” Tyler moans.

Julius stands in between his big brothers, looking supportively whiny.

Howard shakes his head. “Release first, play after.”

We traipse through the woods behind the bungalows. Howard lugs the heavy Tupperware filled with the salamanders who had ‘summered’ in our backyard on Long Island.

After being coaxed, a.k.a. tortured thru whining, into taking them home, Howard and I had every expectation of soon burying them. There seemed no way for these guys to survive so far from their natural habitat. Regardless, Howard and Julius created a salamander wonderland filled with moss, sticks and a big rock. It was very damp with ‘pools’ of water. Howard constructed a special mesh cover for better ventilation. We had no idea what to feed them, so Julius and Howard packed the container with bug filled mud and we hoped for the best.

As it turned out, it was even better. The salamanders fed on some kind of larva that seemed to mysteriously grow in the water. They lounged on the rock. On many occasions, I saw them tucked neatly into a moss cave, one on top of the other, two little orange heads, almost unnoticeable. We did nothing but look at them every few days, and then not even that.

Looking now at these luxury accommodations, our Tupperware penthouse seemed damp and homey; the perfect place for two little, orange creatures to happily lounge the day away, while the woods seemed vast and dangerous. I had a moment of regret. Maybe we just should have left them in our yard.

Didn’t matter now; we were here and it was time to set them free. We placed the Tupperware near a tree and added a thick branch so they could walk out on their own. We watched for a while, but the salamanders made no attempt toward escape. Howard placed them higher on the branch to show them their surroundings. The salamanders turned and crawled back into the Tupperware.  After repeated attempts to ‘guide’ the salamanders to their freedom, we ultimately had to physically place them into the woods.

We left them there, looking so small and lost. I felt guilty, which was ridiculous. This was where they belonged. Right?

Our boys quickly forgot about them and ran from the woods back toward the bungalows. “Release the hounds,” I mocked as they galloped past, tongues lagging. They were so happy here, despite the morning difficulties getting them out. The bungalows had always been a cocoon of sorts, filled with family, friends of family, grass and freedom. Here, kids can be kids, like the old days.

“We’re going to find grandpa.” Tyler announced, using his upstate independent voice.

“I think he’s down by Sandy’s bungalow playing cards.”

“We’re going to find him.” He reiterated confidently.

“Okay, watch your brothers.”

They headed away from us, each walking with a little swagger, down toward some bungalows about 100 feet away, but out of my vision. Howard and I smiled at one another and I almost welled with tears. Letting them go was scary, but they were good. Howard would follow them shortly, just to make sure.

I still wonder about the salamanders.