Recently, we were the subjects of bank fraud. After wasting time on the phone with the bank, and then even more time at the bank, generating basically no information, our next step was to file a police report. Time to head… ‘Downtown’. Da Da Dummmm!
It’s intimidating just pulling into a police station. The police cars in the lot. The institutional brick building. The big sign that screams Police. I walked through the heavy double doors and up to the bullet proof window like I was being called to the teacher’s desks after passing notes. There were two officers sitting there, who didn’t even look up. That is, until I accidentally banged my head on the glass. Turns out, there was no window, just a glass wall.
Ow.
I looked around and noticed the men looking at me.
“Can I help you?” one asked.
“Uh, uh…” I stammered. Oh my God! I was in the principal’s office. I didn’t do it!! “I, uh, need to file a police report.”
I watched a tall man in uniform stand up and then disappear. Where’d he go?
Suddenly, a door to the side of me opened, and an unsmiling face ordered, “Come with me.”
OMG I didn’t do it!!!
I could only nod and obey.
The officer led me to a room, where he told me to sit and wait. Alone, I looked around. There were trophies on shelves, a flag, some commemoration plaques. In the corner, cardboard boxes were stacked in a disorderly fashion. I started tapping my fingers on the long wood table.
What was taking so long? I checked my phone. I tapped. I checked. I tapped. I checked.
I had a thought and my neck snapped around. Were there cameras? Were they…. watching me??
Just then, another officer walked in. He was younger and shorter, but with the same serious expression. Apparently, there was no smiling in law enforcement. That was probably the first thing you learn at the academy.
He sat down, pulled out a pen and paper, and got to business. “So tell me what happened.”
“Well, there were at least four accounts opened fraudulently where they transferred money out from our accounts..”
“How much money was stolen?”
“Well none technically be…”
“Wait, wait. Hold up.” He interrupted and sat back in his chair, assessing me cooly. “You said they transferred monies.”
Uh, easy Blue. Did he think I was playing him? Was I about to take the rap?? OMG! I was going DOWN!
I collected myself and explained, slowly. “They transferred the money out of the accounts, but they were still pending when my husband alerted the bank, so I don’t believe any money was actually stolen.”
He nodded and went back to writing. Whew. He didn’t crack me, but from then on, I carefully stuck to the script, revealing only pertinent (that’s police for important) information.
He finished up the report and pushed it my way for approval. I scanned his words. “It’s good.” I said. It was over, but unfortunately my relief translated into small talk when I noticed his sign off, PO Newman.
“Po?” I asked innocently. “Is that your name?”
He came one breath short of snorting with derision. “Police officer.” He said, the idiot remained unspoken, but it was as loud as a bull horn.
I walked out and got into my car totally annoyed. Take yourself a little seriously officer? Sheesh. I was feeling rebellious when I decided to leave the parking lot without wearing my seat belt. Oh yeah, I would. You don’t intimidate me PO!
I pulled out of my spot, feeling wild and free. I put the car into drive and was heading off into the sunset, when I heard him yelling. “Hey!”
Gulp.
I looked back and there he was, standing on the steps motioning to me. Oh my GOD! He knows!! I’m so busted!! I’m ready to come out with my hands up! I opened the door and tentatively stuck my head out. “Uh. Yeah?”
He walked over to the car and handed me a copy of the report. “You forgot this.”
“Oh, uh, thanks.”
No return smile.
I immediately strapped myself and in and pulled away. Whew. I made out. A weight lifted as I drove down toward home, but for some reason, I kept looking in my rear view mirror for those spinning lights.
Anyone got a nail file? (That’s icescreammama for I need a manicure.)
Icescreammama 
I’m a smiling, sarcastic PO. I get told frequently that I’m unlike most other POs. I take it as a compliment. At least he wrote you a report. Some would have heard no money was taken and then told you there was no crime blah blah blah.
ha! appreciate a smile and sarcasm – that’s me. but i must say, there really is something to the uniform… i was definitely 7 years old. glad t’o hear you’re ‘good cop’ 🙂
I still get nervous when a police car is behind me in traffic when I’m off duty. Even when I’m in my own jurisdiction and know that I’m not doing anything wrong! Lol.
now that’s funny! i think it’s instinctual, people always feel nervous in front of the police.
Oh I am so with you! It’s the result of being a good person and following the rules. I had to go to the police station in person one time to request information on any known sex offenders on our street (when I moved to a new place.) I had to show MY id, fill out a form, and sign a pledge that this request was for informational purposes only and I wasn’t attempting to become a vigilante bent on revenge. I raised my eyebrows and he said, “Welcome to the People’s Republic of Massachusetts” – at least he had a sense of humor!
somehow just going there, make us feel like criminals. hopefully actual criminals are intimidated as well. and i’d say a sense of humor goes a long way, in any situation!
It happens everywhere ,with SOME police Officers!
And, yes , the uniform makes us fearful and them,arrogant!
i was like 8 years old. 🙂
Allow me to butt in here (found you on Freshly Pressed): I am the exact same way around cops, despite never breaking a law in my life (does speeding count?) Our next door neighbor had a meth lab and we found a tiny packet of crystal meth literally on our doorstep (we share a landing). I brought it “downtown” and it was one of the most nerve-wracking experiences of my life. I wonder about “perps” and how they do it, because I would never have the stones to be an outlaw!
same!! i was ready to confess!! although i don’t think they want to hear how i didn’t finish the laundry and stole my son’s ice cream from the freezer. 🙂
Oh man! I hope you get your money back. That is awful. My dad is a police officer and I still feel awkward going to visit him at work. I don’t know what it is!
i hope so too. it’s the uniform!! and it is a very serious environment… at least to ‘civilians’
Easy big blue! I love it. You are hilarious. I am terrified of police stations and that’s a whole other story. Love the picture! You’re an adorable jail bird.
can’t wait to hear. and thanks. i was doing the lohann. 😉
Every police officer in my town is like that…. It’s so annoying! I got pulled over the other day and I swear, he did everything in his power to make it difficult for me and other drivers…. (My driver side window doesn’t roll down and instead of going to the passenger side door he made me leave my door open on a two lane road…) Another police officer one time literally crawled under my dad’s truck to see if the pipes he had on it were legal… It was crazy…
But I do hope you get your money back!! Keep us posted!!
that’s crazy. i guess there really are good cops and bad cops, not just playing them.
still waiting… the bank fraud thing is crazy. it’s scary what people can do through a computer. thanks.
I love the way your brain works and your sense of humor. I needed this laugh this morning. And I’m sorry you ever had to go through this – ugh! I’m sending an extra scoop over!
thanks. it’s all insured, so i’m sure it’ll alright. scary, though. and the banking stuff was frightening as well. 😉
That is so funny. Wonderful post. I’m the kind of person who, if someone loses something, I try so hard to find it that it makes me look like I was guilty of stealing it!
ha! why do they make us feel so guilty??!!
PO Newman? That is just wrong. I mean there could be so many other meanings for PO. And did he look like newman from Seinfeld or Newman from MAD Magazine?
Glad you made it away safely@
haha! they’re just intimidating. i feel like i want to confess everything i’ve ever done!
Here from the hop. I can’t relate at all, but your post is funny. When Saturday morning wake up is the cops searching in the toy box for a gun, ya kinda get used to em.
haha! yeah, when you can bribe them with m&m’s, they’re not so scary. 🙂
This really made me smile. I live down the road from a police officer and his dog; hence we don’t get too much crime here. I guess the bank fraud people wouldn’t see the dog though 😉
ha! i live across the street! 🙂
I used to be very intimidated by the law. Nine years ago I started working with and around them- I’m a writer whose day job is project manager for a communciation company. I help build 911/public safety tower sites. I work around police/fire/first responders helping them with radios and communication equipment. I realized that while they do unique work, they’re just as equally screwed up middle of the road fools as the rest of us. My daughters, aged 17, 9, and 8, ask me all the time why the uniform and the gun don’t make me nervous. I always say “because they go home to little smart aleck beauties like you 3, too.
good story. good blog. Hi
i know it’s true – my father always used to say, out of all his troubled friends from ‘the neighborhood’, half became cops and the other half criminals. 😉 still, there’s something about that uniform that makes me want to confess that i stole a pack of m&m’s in 7th grade!
thank you for visiting and reading. 🙂
I get that nervous feeling when they’re behind me in traffic too. And you’re right – there’s no smiling in policing. The only time I didn’t sweat it around the cops is when I got the local sheriff to show me how to do fingerprinting for a seventh grade science project. Now that was cool. But if I were as paranoid as I am now, I’d have probably thought they had motives for agreeing to do it. 😉
Made me laugh out loud! Good one!!
Stephanie Sent from my iPad2
alright! it isn’t easy getting a laugh from the police. 😉
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