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Tag Archives: Happy new year

Forecast for 2014 – unresolved

Posted on December 30, 2013 by Ice Scream Mama

The New Year is fast approaching and even though there are many areas in need of improvement, on principal, I refuse to make any resolutions. I mean, why does it make any sense that I could tell myself to eat less sugar, be more forgiving or whatever life altering change I need to do on January 1st that I couldn’t motivate myself to do on December 1st?

I guess it’s the old, I’ll-start-being-a-better-person on Monday, deal. As if Monday signifies a fresh start that you could never pull off on a Tuesday. Crap, if you screw up Monday, you’ve blown it, might as well go about your business of screwing up, generally with renewed vigor since you now know your time as a screw-up is limited, and try again next week.

That’s the power of Monday; knowing that you have an opportunity to wipe the slate clean but the freedom of knowing that if you don’t, you can have a donut party by lunch and it’s all good. New Year’s resolutions are Mondays on steroids; the biggest, baddest Monday on the block.

If I were to make any resolutions, they’d be the same boring things I’ve needed to work on my whole life – lose some weight, be more patient, do more for other people, appreciate, appreciate, appreciate… I’m not a total failure on all accounts, but it’s the areas that can always be improved. It’s kind of like when I get to wish on a first star or a birthday cake, I’ll always choose the safe, expected wish. You know it, the ‘good health for your family’ wish. Heaven forbid I’d ever wish for something like getting my manuscript published, skin that doesn’t look like a chicken waiting to boil or for my father to sucker, I mean find someone to take care of him, I mean love. That kind of self-serving wishing is just asking for trouble.

So for 2014 I resolve to leave myself unresolved. I accept that I’m a bit impatient because I also get things done. And yeah, I’m addicted to ice cream, but damn it, I deserve that pleasure. Of course, I could always do more for others, but I’m also allowed to take time for myself. And my body could be better, a lot better, but it’s my body and as long as it’s working for me, I need to shut up about my own insecurities and just keep moving.

There are many improvements to make, but right now, I accept me as I am, the good, the bad and the ugly.

Besides, there’s always Monday.

Happiest, sweetest new year, everyone.

Happiest, sweetest New Year, everyone.

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2012. It’s a Wrap!

Posted on December 31, 2012 by Ice Scream Mama

I just wanted to say Happy New Year to everyone, and thank you all for reading and, hopefully, liking my blog.

One of the biggest things that have happened to me this year has been the start of this blog. I began in the beginning of July, and I can’t believe how much my blog has grown and changed in just half a year, and me along with it. I love and appreciate so many things about blogging. Here’s just a few…

I love the time that it gives me to think and create.

I love that I’m doing something important for myself.

I love that I can look back and remember what I was thinking when I wrote a post and how it captures a moment in time.

I love that I get to write about myself, my family, my feelings. It’s free therapy!

I love that I have a positive reason to ignore my kids. Sorry, boys, get your own crap. Mommy is ‘working’.

I love that I’d rather be sitting here by myself doing this than almost anything else.

I love that you guys read it. It makes the whole thing more worthwhile and satisfying. Yes, I’m an attention seeking whore. Read more. Tell your friends.

So happiest, healthiest New Year. I wish you all double scoops of love and laughter, with sprinkles of  ridiculous and crazy on the side.

Bring on 2013!

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My Top 5 New Year’s Resolutions… For Other People

Posted on December 28, 2012 by Ice Scream Mama

Since I’m still in the spirit of giving, with just a bit of vent thrown in, I thought I’d do a little public service and offer up my top 5 resolutions that I hope others make for the New Year. You know who you are. Just think about it…

1. Get off the phone in the gym!
Really? Do you think we all care what your plans are for tonight? Or how annoying your husband is? Seriously chick, take that phone and that high pony tail and get off the machine next to mine. I do not want to hear you. Nor do the other people who are giving you polite dirty looks that you choose to ignore. Do you realize you’re speaking in decibels higher than Kathy Lee and Hoda who are plugged directly into my ears?! You’re messing up my hour of me time, and it makes me want to mess you up.

2. Park in one spot!
Oh My God! Really, dude? You’re supposed to park in the lines, not over them! Did you flunk out of nursery school? WTF?! I want to be stereotypical and chastise all the obnoxious Porsche drivers, but honestly it’s not just them. I see you suburban mom, dragging out your kids, looking exhausted and pretending not to notice. I see you Grandma, and think you need your eyes checked. Not only can’t you park, you never seem to see me at the deli counter. You most certainly were not next!

Bad-Parking-2

3. Pull your car over when you run into someone you know in the neighborhood!
It’s really not rocket science. This is a street, not your front lawn. You cannot just stop in the middle and chat. Pull the frig over! Immediately! And no, you can’t just finish up your conversation, unless you’d like me to ram into the back of your car, which you are begging for by the way.

4. Take your doggy bags!
I’m not talking about the poop bags, although that could be number 6, I’m talking about leftover food. I know, I might be special in this regard, since I have been known to take home other people’s leftovers. (I know.. I know… but only people I know. Ya know? ;)) And I will eat leftovers till they’re green. But really people, don’t order what you can’t eat. Or, just take it home. It’s so wasteful. Don’t make me come over there and show you the Save the Children infomercial.

5. Don’t be snotty!

The snotty sleeve slide is never pretty

An actual snot-nosed sleeve slide

As in, here’s a tissue, wipe your kid’s disgusting nose! Huge EW! Do you really not see that green goop hanging there, just waiting for his sleeve  or to drip into his mouth? Ugh, I can’t even look. Tissues. They are your friend. Carry them. Use them. For the good of mankind and preschoolers everywhere, I beg of you!

There’s more, so much more, but I don’t want to piss off everyone. Ah, what the hell, let’s piss-off some of my runner-up offenders… Person at Dunkin Donuts – Don’t close the door on me as I’m walking through. If you’re holding it up to that point, why would you choose to release it right as I get there? And worker at the yogurt store, smile. I get that the general public is annoying or that maybe you haven’t had the best day, but, you’re at work, lady. There is no sneering or eye-rolling. Save that for your break.

Please, people, take these resolutions as your own. I give them with love. I’m just trying to make the world a better place. Okay, just do it. Seriously. Don’t make me use this many exclamation points again!  🙂

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Five New Year’s Resolutions That I Probably Won’t Keep

Posted on December 26, 2012 by Ice Scream Mama

It’s almost the new year! Ho Ho Holy crap. Does that mean I’m supposed to reassess and all? Do some reflection and make resolutions? I’m Jewish, I did my reflecting back during Yom Kippur. I don’t want to do it again. Wine, wine! No that isn’t a typo. I’m not bitching, if I’m going to do this, I need some wine.

Okay, now that my cup runneth over, here are 5 things I hope to accomplish in the New Year.

One – Just say no. As in, No kid, get your own milk. No, PTA mom, I will not bake 100 cupcakes and stuff envelopes for you. No, mom, I’m not getting my kid a haircut. No, dad, I don’t feel like picking up the phone. No, children, I’m not making each of you a different dinner. Yes! That felt good. I mean, No! That felt good. Also, as much as it pains me, I must include, No, self, you don’t need that second bowl of ice cream, which means you certainly don’t need the third.

To be in complete ying/yang balance, number two is – Just say Yes. As in, Yes, I’d like a massage. Yes, I’d like another scoop. (Oh wait, conflict with number one here. I know! I’ll just fit that extra scoop in my first bowl. Problem solved.) Yes, I am going out with the girls tonight. And yes, husband, you are going to love me up. Yes, Yes and more yes please.

Three – Eat some Shutthefuckupcakes… I stole this from Momaical. She recommended giving them out to a number of ‘challenging’ people around the holidays, but I’m going to eat them myself; because frankly, sometimes I just don’t know when to STFU. I tell myself, don’t do it. Hold it in, but off I go. My tongue has a mind of its own. There are also times, when I just want my brain to STFU, so I might try them for that as well. Let me know if you need the recipe.

STFUcakes wouldn’t be the same (or as necessary) without…wine! Resolution number 4 – Drink more. Yes, I need to just sit back, relax, unwind and enjoy a glass of wine. Or two. I’m doing it right now, and I’m thinking, Yeth! This is the beth post I wrotein thoooooooo looooong! I love dis one. I love you too. I’m feeling all teary. I need a moment.

Number five – Do more things for other people. It almost seems impossible because all I do is things for other people, like schlepping, laundry and errands, volunteering at the schools, cooking and catering; but I’m taking about things I don’t resent, uh, I mean, things that aren’t in my normal day to day. Like, bringing a cup of coffee to the Verizon man outside, or buying flowers for the checkout girl, or visiting an older person in the neighborhood. It’s not really for them, it’s for me. Every time, I remember to do that kind of stuff, it makes me happier than the person I’ve done it for. Especially when I bring someone those STFUcakes, and they really could use them. Nothing like helping out those in need.

That’s my list, and I’m sticking to it. Well, hopefully. I’m taking it one day at a time. They’re resolutions, not promises. No pressure here.

Happy almost New Year Everyone! May it be full of sweetness and love.

Drink up. It's a resolution!

Drink up. It’s a resolution! 🙂

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Hineni – “Here I am”

Posted on September 18, 2012 by Ice Scream Mama

I rummage through my closet looking for an appropriate outfit, not an easy thing for a girl who spends her life in gym clothes and sneakers. I try on at least three different ensembles, but ultimately settle on a 15 year-old black dress that I have worn for pretty much everything from bridal showers to funerals. Today, it’s my fall-back temple dress. Thank goodness for Express in the 90’s.

Shalom! School has begun. Fall is almost here. I am Jewish.

Of course I’m Jewish all year round, but in September we celebrate the high holidays – Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. On Rosh Hashanah, we reflect on the past year, and on Yom Kippur our fate is sealed. Simply put, it’s finals week and report cards are coming.

Today, I’m supposed to be at the temple by 10am because I’ve been given an honor to open the ark encasing the Torah. It’s nice to be acknowledged, but I’m really no good at the religion stuff.  I mean, I send my boys to Hebrew School, attend temple on the holidays and of course, wear my “I heart Jews” tee shirt (kidding); but I can’t read Hebrew, never was a Bat Mitzvah, and feel generally uncomfortable with all things religious. I once said “Jesus Christ” as I tripped into temple and practically fell into the Rabbi. Apparently, I am capable of offending multiple religions simultaneously. I also have said “Amen” to the Rabbi after he sneezed, and once in my flirty, uncomfortable-with-authority awkwardness, suggested to him that the reason it was hot in the temple was because of me. Oh yes I did.

I can’t imagine why they would put me up there on display, and I’m conflicted about why I even accepted. I don’t really want to go, but all I can do now is accept my honor, hopefully not fall off the stage, and then slip quietly into background, which is where I really wanted to be in the first place.

I glance at the clock. 9:45am. Crap. Howard and the boys will just have to meet me. It’s a seven minute walk, but I’m in heels so it’s more like 10 minutes. I start with a brisk pace, but slow down when I trip over the sidewalk and slightly twist my ankle. At 9:58am, I limp into the temple sanctuary and check in. “I made it!” I announce and the administrator hands me a card that says my time is 11:15am. What?? My paper said 10am. I show it to the administrator and he shrugs. What kind of racket is this?

I grab a prayer book and sit down in a semi-breathless huff. I notice the book is new and remember that the temple purchased new books a month or so ago, and that in a moment of sentimentality I had even donated $54 for one of the books to be dedicated to my grandmother who had recently passed.

I flip it open absently and there it is; my grandmother’s inscription. Out of 300 random books, I find my grandmother. Or more accurately, my grandmother finds me. I smile and look around like she’s just placed the book on my chair, but of course, it’s our secret.

The temple president is speaking, and I’m instructed to wait for her to finish before ascending the Bimah (platform). Her running theme is “Hineni” which translates to “Here I am.” She’s trying to inspire people get involved, while thanking the people who do. Hineni. I like it.

She finishes and up I go with a handful of other honorees. I open the ark, the Torah is brought forth, and we are instructed to follow the procession around the congregation. What? Me? No. I didn’t sign up for that. Open. Close. Done. But I’m ushered forward and immediately overwhelmed with people shaking my hand and offering Shana Tova.

Like writing LOL, I have never been comfortable saying Shana Tova. It always felt like I was pretending to be something I’m not. Happy New Year I can say, but here I am clasping hands with dozens of people and Shana Tova’ing like a game show host.

We finally end the procession back on the Bimah. The Torah is put away and the arc closed. I look out from the stage and see my boys, front and center watching me. Julius is dancing a little dance, Michael is bright-eyed and Tyler is smiling wide. I smile back and realize his fly is open. Oops, I think. Hineni.

I return to my seat, flushed and happy to be done. Howard and the boys are there and together we finish out the service. I look around at the congregation and see so many friends and familiar faces. My prayer book with my grandmother’s inscription rests on my lap. I feel warm and connected. Hineni. Here I am.

 

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/06/14/daily-prompt-faith/

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