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Like Mother, Like Daughter

People tell me I look like my mother.

All. The. Time.

It’s actually a real compliment. My mom is a looker. Always has been. I (almost) never think about how she’s over 20 years older and instead focus on the fact that we are both small and fit with curly hair and an ever ready Colgate smile, compliments of the white strips she brings me on a regular basis.

Sometimes she also brings me a new shirt or pair of jeans that she recently purchased for herself. Since she buys nice stuff and it’s… um… free… it’s not a hard sell. So it’s not like I help matters. The only problem is when we show up at a family function in matching outfits which can be a little embarrassing, especially when one of the younger kids takes me by the hand and says, “Come here, grandma.”

But besides that momentary twist in the chest, it’s good, and we laugh about it. I mean really how lucky am I to have her genes and her jeans?!

Recently my mom, the most energetic person I know – the one with only two speeds – high octane or falling asleep while sitting up; the one who plays tennis before Zumba class and then follows it up with a body sculpting class and later hopes someone will want to join her for bike ride or a walk, and even later on, possibly go dancing – has been ever so slightly sidelined by a sore um thigh. (We don’t speak about any affliction that might indicate age or else I would have said arthritis in her hip.)

It has been extremely difficult for such an active (see: rigid) person to lessen her fitness load even slightly, so true to her generally bulldozing self, she charges on; limping through tennis games, letting an occasional ‘Ugh’ out in gym class and only allowing it to really aggravate her in the wee hours of the night when she should be sleeping.

As my step father is annoyingly fond of saying, “The apple don’t fall far from the tree” since I not only resemble my mom but, after a brief period in my younger life resenting the hell out of her, have adopted many of her healthy eating and exercise tendencies.

While I am a pretty low key exerciser, think, reading my book while peddling my elliptical, sometimes I take it up a notch like the class I tried the other day. It was kind of a circuit boot camp; you know, jump squat, sprint, push-ups, sprint, throw-up, sprint, running man, sprint, etc.

It was in the middle of the second circuit when I felt it, a twinge in my left thigh. It nagged at me for the rest of the class but I powered through, limping slightly to my car after it was over.

“Shit. Shit. Shit.”

I hated being sidelined. I hated feeling compromised. I hated feeling… old.

Later when my mother came over to babysit, I noticed we were wearing the same jeans and similar black boots. I told her she looked cute, she told me I looked cute and then we giggled like a pair of idiots. Matching idiots.  As we hobbled together toward the kitchen to share a veggie burger and sweet potato, it was with a new understanding. I realized I not only looked like her but slowly and steadily I was becoming her.

Years ago the idea of it would have horrified me. I was young and so sure of my individuality and youth. I didn’t fully realize that time mercilessly keeps moving and doesn’t stop for anyone. We all become our parents at some point.

Although it turns out my thigh injury was just a muscle pull not cough arth cough ritis cough, the real difference is negligible. For better or for worse, I am becoming my mother.

Just ask anyone.

photo 2

 

Pick Me U

My car is dead.

So I’m running laps around my block waiting for the tow truck guy and thinking about last Wednesday when I spent over an hour on the phone with my father and his home health aide, Jody, debating whether to call 911.

“I think we should call.” I said. “We’ve let it go for days and it has only gotten worse.”

“I hate the hospital.” My father whimpered like a four year-old.

“I know. But this is worse than your usual terrible.”

“I know.” He submitted. “Okay.”

It was almost too easy. Although my father spends the majority of his life at hospitals or doctor’s offices for his many, many, many conditions, often he ignores typical medical ailments that would send others rushing to the doctor. He constantly says, “Yeah, I know that’s bad, but it’s the least of my problems.” He’s not wrong. When you’ve got as many problems as he does, you learn to pick and choose. So when my father concedes that he should go to the hospital, he should go. This must be worse than I thought.

Jody called for an ambulance and they went to the hospital. I was home with Julius (the other boys hopefully enjoying their second day of school), contemplating what to do. Should I go to the hospital? I certainly didn’t want to. It was usually a long wait and my father was a miserable patient. I would have to find coverage for Julius and possibly the bus, if I couldn’t get back in time. He was there with his home health aide. The dual sides of my brain battled it out. Go. Don’t go. He has been hospitalized so many times, for so many things. Every day is something new. Don’t go. The last time I went for a procedure a couple of weeks ago, I spent hours in traffic, more hours sitting around waiting and he barely spoke to me. Don’t go. He doesn’t have anyone. Go. He’s suffering. Go. He’s always suffering. Don’t Go.

Ultimately, the car decided it. I got in and it wouldn’t turn over. It was dead.

So I spent the day on the phone with doctors and the hospital until he was admitted and we had some idea what we were working with. In between, AAA came and towed my car away. They said it was the starter. Sick dad. Sick car.

Yep, last Wednesday was fun, but now it is Monday. I’m running circles around my block, exercising my body and my brain, once again waiting for AAA and a doctor’s call. What will it be this time? I contemplate the problem, the diagnosis, the trouble. When will it end? Will it ever be fixed? It’s never-ending; the same thing but different.  I am stuck, stranded, alone, unsure of what to do, unable to leave, unable to go. Trapped. Just keep running. Around I go.

My dad is in the hospital.

My car is dead.

Towing #1

Towing #2

This man actually towed my car both times. Ground hog day. Ground hog life.