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Let’s Make a Deal!

I rummaged through my sack searching. “A band aid.” I muttered to myself, then looked up at the expectant man reassuringly. “I know I have one in here somewhere.” I continued hunting while the man looked around the park impatiently, his child holding a scraped finger and howling like a dying animal.

“Wait! Wait! Ah… Here’s one.” I pulled out a crumpled snatch of paper that looked like it was covered in crumbs, dirt and possibly poop (It was chocolate, people). The man looked at the unsanitary offering and looked around again helplessly. “Wait!” I shouted. “I found a better one. Dora!” Now I held up a pristine band aid from my wallet.

He took it gratefully. “Thank you. Look honey,” He showed his daughter. “It’s Dora.” The girl snuffled and wiped her nose in her shirt, before happily accepting the offering. Whew. That was close.

The joke is that if there’s ever a crisis, you want to be near me. My bag can be counted on to have everything in it from food, first aid, a knife (cutting apples!), spoons (for the ice cream, duh), possibly spy equipment, army men, playing cards, coupons, rubber balls… Once I pulled out a Ziploc bag with an ear of corn. Often, I don’t even know what I will pull out next.

So I thought it might be entertaining to give you a peek inside my bag of tricks.

Okay, there’s a lot of crap, but really, not as bad as I thought. I don’t see one Ziploc of old cheese melted to the bag, or an open juice box leaking all over my stuff, or even an army of Pokemon preparing for battle. I’m almost feeling like I should add a rubber chicken for effect. Anyway, let’s see what we’ve got…

Four pens and two pencils. Reasonable. Perfect for anxiety chewing, note scribbling and random lice checks.

Candy. And it’s not for the kids. I like candy. But do you see the apple? I’m not all bad.

Random toys, cards, a tennis ball…

Hmm. What’s this. Oh. Ew.

My ice cream accompaniments… cones, spoons, toppings.. because you just know some time you’ll be at an ice cream store and they won’t have cones, spoons or toppings.

What? Doesn’t everyone carry their own container of sprinkles?

Snack break! I just found random almonds on bottom of bag.

Yum, still good.

Ohh enough sanitary napkins to hand out at a middle school gymnastics meet. Just where I was headed. And I’m sure someone there needs an extra pair of socks. Thank goodness I’ve got that covered.

Hmmm… something big is missing here. Wallet. Check. Sunglasses. Check. Hmmm…

My kindle!! Where is it?? The last time I had it was when I took it out for the gym. OMG. I left it there.

I’ve got to call immediately.

This is not my phone.

Okay, this is my phone.

Hold on…. Whew. My kindle is sitting on the same machine at the gym I left it on five hours ago.

Let’s continue. Here’s my extremely organized baggie of receipts and coupons that would save me so much money if I remembered to use them.

Let’s just get rid of some of the expired ones.

What else… band aids (restocked after the park debacle), kid Tylenol, block, bug spray, mom Advil, wipes.

I’ve got everything a reasonable mom needs for an afternoon or an earthquake. I’m prepared. Ready for anything. I didn’t even show you the moisturizer, safety pins, granola bars, water bottle, random change, mini-flashlight, and….

No. I’m kidding about the wine. Okay, I’ve got to go to Pre-K pick-up now. Where are my keys? Did you see my keys? I mean, they’re huge. How could I misplace them? They should be in here????? Man….!

Found em.