I’m going to share an embarrassing superficial secret.
For years, decades really, I have wanted to wear a bikini. In my mind I saw the perfect one. It was always bubblegum pink with those 70’s strings hanging from the sides of the bottoms. I also imaged smooth, thin tanned legs that those sexy ties would be resting against, as well as the long lean torso showcased in the middle.
This would explain why besides the three times in my distant memory, I have never worn a bikini. The fantasy is not the reality and for a long time I was the kind of girl who thought if you can’t do something right, don’t do it. I’m still sort of that kind of girl.
Thus, years of swim dresses and cover-ups ensued. I even successfully managed to go without wearing a bathing suit for an entire summer – twice. Of course, all of this is unnecessary. I could certainly comfortably wear a swim suit, but that doesn’t mean that I am comfortable doing it. Also, since I dislike the water – both pool and ocean – turns out bathing suits are easier to avoid than you’d imagine.
I worked within these confines for basically my entire life, but the other day I was flipping through a bathing suit catalogue that somehow mistakenly wound up in my mailbox, and I came across a suit that almost fit my fantasy… as did the model wearing it. I lingered on the page; silently coveting and felt a shift within me.
I wanted that suit.
I couldn’t believe it. Now that I was over 40, had three children come out my pooched, overstretched stomach, I was going to cave? Was this some trick of middle age? I knew I couldn’t see distance well anymore, but could I no longer see myself clearly either? Did I really think I could get away with this?
Logically the answer was no, at least not in the way I’d like to, yet still I felt gripped by urgency. This was probably my last chance to wear something like this before middle age really set in around the middle.
I’m already done with having children. I’m done with going out late nights and dancing till dawn – okay, I don’t think I ever danced till dawn, but you know what I’m saying. I’ve got wrinkles and pains. I’m happy to be in bed by 10pm. I like hot water and lemon. I carry hard mints in a Ziplock bag. I’m – Aaaaccck – getting older.
I’ve noticed other emotional changes in myself as well, now that I’m further up the maturity chain. I’m a little more ready to take chances, a little less judgmental, more appreciative, less giving a shit. I’ve also gotten simultaneously more and less vain; which means, I notice many more things that bother me but I also don’t care as much.
Which brings me back to the bikini I’ve coveted but never owned much less worn; it was now or never. Without thinking any more, I added it to my cart and clicked purchase.
I don’t know if I’ll ever wear it, but lately I’m full of surprises.
Icescreammama 
There are three I’s in bikini so I think you should wear and enjoy while eating ice cream – what the heck – one must live and be happy!
AnnMarie 🙂
Terrific Post – in your photo, the bikini looks like a smiling face who’s saying ‘put me on!’
bikinis and ice cream… now that’s a real fantasy! 🙂
I should have thought of it before! 😉
AnnMarie 🙂
You enjoy that bikini!
I totally identify. How did I know you weren’t going to model it? Because I totally identify.
ha! no way was i doing that!! haha!
Go girl!
we’ll see…. it’s in my drawer at least. that’s the first step. 😉
totally think you should wear it, if you for you and your husband! Good for you! And I love where you say you notice more things about yourself but you don’t give a dam. I am experiencing the same thing. Love this!
we’re work in progress – mentally and physically!
I think: why not? There is no shouldn’t anymore. I hadn’t worn a bikini since I was a teenager but I actually bought two before we went to Greece last summer when I realized that Europeans would all be in bikinis and I’d probably stand out more not wearing one. It was a good call but man was my tummy white (and a bit wrinkly).
go you! and working on it.. we’ll see if i actually get the nerve. those wrinkles kill me.. and don’t ever do a plank!! oh man!!
It’s the price of babies!
You did very very well! That was awesome and brave and very good for you! 🙂
we’ll see… it does look pretty in my drawer though. 🙂
And you’ll be surprised by how good it looks on you later!
i’m sure looking back in a decade, i’ll think it looks fabulous! 😉
Go for it
Yay for you! The longer you think about it, the dream may become real.. You just never know. You are one step closer!
totally!
“I even successfully managed to go without wearing a bathing suit for an entire summer – twice”
Crikey, we’ve got beaches over here where you can do that, no questions asked 😉
ha!! that’s not what i meant!!! haha
Oh, I know that, you aren’t that sort of gal! Take care, Baz
Do it. What’s the worst that could happen?
c.
http://www.carolcassara.com
ahhh i don’t want to think about that! 😉
Go for it! Even if you’re the only one who sees you in the suit you can at least check this off your bucket list.
well i did try it on! does that count?
Um, it’s YOUR bucket list. You tell me!
Bah!!
Um…I take it that’s a no?
ha! no.. i’m working thru it…
You should totally rock it!
well, wearing it is one thing, rocking it is a totally different story..
Hmm. Deep thoughts. Well if you must, you could totally rock it underneath a super cute cover up! Just because it’s covered doesn’t mean you’re not rocking it. I think. Right?
now you’re talking!
Congratulations on buying the bikini. You deserve it. You wrote that you don’t like pools or the ocean…what about hot tubs?
I’m not suggesting you hide because you should totally rock that bikini but a cozy night time dip in a hot tub could be a great first wear experience.
maybe… it is an easy first time. you’re in. you sit. you get up and towel.
Go for it! Do it for yourself, not your perceptions of what you think others will think x
If you’re gonna go this far, might as well go the whole way and visit a nude beach.
come on!
I wear mine to mow the lawn. Baby steps. It’s all about the baby steps. (Also, that is one CUTE bikini!)
ha! i could learn a thing or two from you! it would be a big step for me to just lie out on the lawn!
Go ice cream mama!! 👏 You’re going to look great! I totally believe that now is the time to go for it!!!
This was the right end to the story. I would have been sad if you’d sighed and said, “Oh well, too old”. Let that suit always remind you of your spirit and sense of play.
yeah! i like that. i’m proud that i bought it. 🙂
You could not force me to wear a bathing suit. Like never. But I always root for anyone that wants to. The one you bought is beautiful and I hope you enjoy it.
well, i would have said that too for the last decade or so… never say never..
It is a good looking suit. Wear it or not but now at least you can!
thank you! i think it’s really cute too!
Reblogged this on By the Mighty Mumford and commented:
OH…THAT FARAWAY LAND!!!!!
Bravo!
🙂
Do it! I’m a huge proponent of if you want to wear it, wear it. Your style and fashion sense is your own, who cares what other people think!
you are so right! i might…
You totally need to rock that bikini this summer. Life is short, right?
so short. you’re right.
Do it! Do it for YOU! Strut that thang like you don’t give 2 cents and a poo what anyone else thinks. Because you don’t!
ha! i’m going to try!!
I say you will regret NOT doing it a lot more than actually wearing it. Life is too short to live it in judgement of yourself.
you are so right!
Cute suit – great colors! I have a friend – my age – who’s had four kids and she looks 20. She’s always posting selfies on FB of herself scantily clad next to a souped up car…you know…like on the cover of Hot Rod magazine. Yesterday she changed her profile pic to one of her in a bikini with her leg up on the bumper of her Camaro. I was like “Oh shit” as I thought about the skirted one piece in my closet. So I guess what I’m saying here is, I hear you and I think it’s doable. Lord knows I’m gonna try. Here’s to you in that fantastic bikini this summer!
thank you! i always imagined a string pink bikini but really green is more my color. still this mixed em together. i’m not sure what to say about your friend. impressed that she’s in a bikini after 4 kids, not impressed that she’s on a hot car on social media. ha. 😉 but yes, here’s to letting go a bit and trying. i hope i wear it!! i just can’t bend down! ha!
In my opinion, the “less giving a shit” is the BEST symptom of aging 🙂 I could do without the wrinkles, but I’m quite liking the not giving a shit thing. It’s so liberating!
it does help soften everything out. 🙂
I love your last line. As I get older I surprise myself more and more, and it’s so much fun.
right? i wasn’t expecting that. 😉
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Ah yes! You did it! So proud of you 😀 I think we all mature as we grow older, or maybe not. Perhaps that only happens when you have seen it all, no matter how old you are.
i think we definitely change as we go and sometimes it makes us more mature. and sometimes it makes us want to wear a bikini! 😉
You had me at hard mints in a ziplo bag.
oh yeah. i’m that chic.
That is a cute swimsuit and I hope you wear it proudly.
me too!! thanks!
Terribly cute! I think women are too self-conscious. Let it all hang out! Haha, says the woman a little too dimply to really wear a bikini, but damn well wears one anyway. I’m all about comfort. 😉
i know! i’ve waiting too long, hiding behind the swim dress!
That bikini is adorable. I bet it looks great on you, too! I am also suffering from aging. I forget every… what was I talking about? Ha ha I do though and it gets annoying!
thank you!! i know, i don’t know what my problem is, it’s not like i can even see anymore!
Lol!!