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Clue: Don’t play Board games with my husband

It was close to bed time, when my seven year-old produced the board game Clue with wide eyes and wider expectations. “Can we play?” He asked, his green, green eyes earnestly pleading.

I considered saying no. We were finally back to school, but our routine was still on vacation. We were going to sleep too late, and I was dragging my youngest and my oldest out of bed in the morning. I checked the clock and sighed. It was after 8 pm and teeth still needed to be brushed. Plus, getting them all settled in bed could easily take 45 minutes.

“One game.” I warned. How could I say no to his happy, little face? Especially since, that face was the one that lashed out the most and could be the hardest to reach. I love his happy. His happy is gorgeous.

He and my oldest set the board up and handed out the cards. My husband also decided to play and teamed up with my five year-old, immediately initiating a lot of dramatic high fives as to the ‘awesomeness’ of their ‘team’. It had been a while since I had played a board game with my husband, but it only took the first high five before it all came flooding back. My husband was a competitive ass.

I recalled card games years before which had him casting sneaky, sideway glances at our friends or throwing his winning cards before them with a triumphant and challenging, “Aha!” As a team, I’ll admit to being caught up in his win at all costs attitude. We were unbeatable at Pictionary and Trivia Pursuit. After a bit, the game phase faded with our crew, or more likely, we stopped being invited.

We started playing, asking our questions, searching for clues to uncover the murderer. Me to my oldest, “I think it’s Green, in the living room with a dagger. Can you confirm anything?” As he nods and slides a card my way, my husband’s voice penetrates with loud, boisterous glee. “Ah, I see! Yes!! Now I’ve got it! Hoo Hoo Hoo. I’ve so got this!”

The boys and I roll our eyes and continue, but with each turn, my husband interrupts with hoots and commentary. “Oh, I get it! Do you guys get it! See what I’m doing here?! I can show you how it’s done.” And then there’s the crazy laughter, “HAHAHAHA! I’m going to win!”

His aggressiveness is a little scary, and my youngest decides to switch to my team. We all try to ignore him. It’s his first time playing, after all. He doesn’t even know how to play. When we remind him of a rule, he says things like, “What? That’s ridiculous. I don’t think that’s correct.”

Still we forge onward, getting deeper into the game, crossing more and more would be murderers off our list. Miss Scarlett is no.  Colonel Mustard is a no. My husband’s bragging and obnoxious behavior reaching new heights with every turn, until finally, he screams, “I’ve got it!”

We were all closing in, but I thought I needed another turn or two to be certain. I figured he was taking a risky leap of testosterone faith. “It is Mrs. White, in the garage with the wrench.” He smugly turns over the hidden cards. And, he is…right! Damn it. He is right.

I am so annoyed. I hear his insane, booming voice, “You want to know how I knew? First off, I was so bluffing with the wrench! You got to know how to play if you want to play with the master! Bet you’re sorry you switched teams now, buddy! HAHAHAHA!”

My boys are yelling at him in frustration. “Daddy! You just guessed you didn’t know…”

But he is in his glory, reveling in his win.

As his laughter penetrates my ears, I consider my husband as the next victim of the game. It would be Ice Scream mama, in the kitchen with a spoon. I don’t think he’ll be allowed to play again anytime soon.

Great game!! Play at your own risk.

Playing Clue  just might be dangerous for my husband.

About Ice Scream Mama

Mama to 3 boys, wife to Mr. Baseball and daughter of a sad man. I have a double scoop every day.

19 responses »

  1. Winnie Schindler

    its that middle child syndrome, he always had to be the best (boo-hoo)

    On Fri, Jan 4, 2013 at 7:54 AM, Icescreammama

  2. I have a bit of that ruthless competitive streak in me also. And I’ve scared a fair number of children and adults alike! More than anything, I love that you play board games together (or used to!). I’m pulling some out today! Great post as always!

    • love the board games! but they only became more fun recently when children stopped throwing pieces at each other when they lost – now i just have to worry about my husband! 😉

  3. My husband isn’t competitive at all, but he ALWAYS wins, and he NEVER gloats. For some reason, this drives me completely and utterly insane.

  4. Sounds familiar. There are a few people in my house who could stand a game with your husband. Maybe between the three of them, a couple of them would be put in their place.

  5. It reminds me of old times… Good old times!!!

  6. Aggression! That’s really what I feel when playing with a certain person……..

    ( but I don’t like to be aggressed…)

    P.S. I adored your post,of course.

  7. I wish I could say he doesn’t sound like me 🙂 I have made my husband play crazy 8’s until I beat him (which was about 2 days worth). I’ve tried beating him at Chess (that went on for about 4 days). I am the type of person who agrees to play truth or dare and then doesn’t do the dare. He is my nemesis and I am his poor sport. We make a good team!

    • that was me too. we used to play rummy 500 and then it would go to 1000, then 1500, all so i could freaking win. ha! but somehow his smuggy laugh when we’re playing with the kids, is soooo annoying!!

  8. My hubby is super competitive too. He will totally outshine my seven year old in a game of chess. A game that I don’t quite fully understand yet. Must be all that testosterone!

  9. OMG, I think your husband is related to mine. My husband’s games are Monopoly and Scrabble. We hate to play with him because he is very stingy with his properties and is a loan shark to boot. In Scrabble, which he is very good at, I save the pages of where we kept score…So when I win, I have a record of it!

  10. Competitive Husband

    So… I’m a very similar husband, but I am not one to rub noses into the situation. I’m a very competitive person by nature. I played football in high school and threw in track in field. After high school, I switched to both board and video games. I am very strategic, and this makes me a very formidable player when it comes to any kind of game. My wife and I actually just had a “spat” about this because she wants to play games… but not with me 😦 I can work on having fun while not being competitive about it, but the truth as such is, I am letting her win. She knows it too… What would you recommend I do because I want to play games with her, but not at the expense of making my skill appear as less?

    • i don’t believe in anyone playing down to me. it’s an insult. i don’t mind losing, if i play a good game. as long as there’s no gloating, you should be able to play as you play. but don’t take it all so serious. it is just a game after all. figuring out how to make your wife happy? now that takes some serious strategic know how. there’s a game you want to win. good luck. and thanks for stopping by.

  11. Pingback: Healthy competition vs. Sibling rivalry. Or, let’s see who can read this essay the fastest. | Icescreammama

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