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Want Smiles?

After much debate, my husband and I decided that it was time to give up Smiles, our beloved, pet bearded dragon.

We brought Smiles into our family about a year and a half ago, after some exhausting pleading from our then, 10 year-old son.  When we took him home in his little plastic container, like the kind you get from takeout Chinese with air holes popped in the top, he was just a baby, no bigger than a green bean.

As we settled him into his new tank, finding a nice stick for him to perch on and a rock for him to laze, we fell in love. Or at least my husband and I did; unfortunately my son quickly tired of the huge responsibility of acknowledging him.  What? How did that happen? Weren’t you going to “die” without him?

Parents are such fools.

So day in and day out, I made his little salads and picked up crickets for some crunchy protein. My husband cleaned his tank when necessary, and took him out to wander our living room. But soon it became more of a job, neither of us wanted. Making sure the children stayed alive was responsibility enough.

So we decided to find a family to adopt him and I put a notice on the parent board for our community.

“Friendly bearded dragon looking for a good home. Free with tank and accessories for a family who will love him.”

Come on, you know you want me.

Come on, you know you want me.

I quickly received about five responses. I mean, really, who could resist that face?

One I discarded almost immediately. I didn’t like the presumptuous tone of the responder “We will take him. When can we pick him up?”

Apparently they didn’t realize this was an adoption. There was an interview process and papers to go over with the attorney, uh, my husband, the attorney.

Two other families also didn’t make the cut. I rejected one for crimes against the English language; for using the word ‘there’ instead of ‘they’re’. As in, “We think there so cute.”

We didn’t raise no illiterate lizard, so clearly they were out.

The other family asserted with strange pride that they already housed a turtle, dog, cat, hamster, fish and snake. Uh, if I wanted to give him to a pet store, I would have.

That left us with a nice sounding teacher with kids, and a family who  wanted to give Smiles to their 10 year-old son who had been pining for one, as a birthday present. Hmm did they say a 10 year-old?

We went with the teacher family because they responded first, and his email trail back and forth with his wife begging her, was extremely cute.  Oh yeah, I went in for the background check.

We set up a time, and as we waited for him to arrive, my husband and I skittered down memory lane with Smiles.

Remember when we lost him outside in the bushes?

Remember when he fell asleep next to the couch, his body flattened to the floor and we thought he was dead?

Remember when we bought that little leash and tried walking him?

Stop. No you stop. No you.

Stop it. No you stop. No, you.

Oh good times. So many smiles, Smiles.

When the teacher arrived to take him away, I saw by the alpha stance of my husband, chest out, dragon hanging, that he was ready to give him the third degree.

smiles bruce“So you’re leaving him in your classroom, and not your home?”

“He’s social, will he have opportunity to be taken out?”

“You’re going to leave him all weekend alone?”

The man stuttered and backpedaled and in the end, my husband deemed him unfit for adoption, and he cowered off empty handed.

Alone, my husband patted Smiles on the head and cooed, “I’m not going to let just anyone take you.”

You don’t mess with a man and his lizard.

No surprise, we’re still looking for the ‘right’ family.

Did I mention, he rocks at hide and seek?

Did I mention he rocks at hide and seek?

About Ice Scream Mama

Mama to 3 boys, wife to Mr. Baseball and daughter of a sad man. I have a double scoop every day.

17 responses »

  1. I guess I will have to save extra for another Bar Mitzvha . what size suit.

    Reply
  2. This was wonderful! Thanks for the laughs.

    Reply
  3. Great story. I didn’t know you through with him, keep Smiles. He’s entitled to live there just like your cat.

    Reply
  4. Hahaha this post makes me simultaneously love your husband and want to never, ever get a pet.

    Reply
  5. You are so adorable. I can’t stand it. This made me laugh:

    Apparently they didn’t realize this was an adoption. There was an interview process and papers to go over with the attorney, uh, my husband, the attorney.

    Reply
  6. Crikey, I didn’t know you had a “bearded dragon”…we love lizards over here… In fact we are in the process of planning a trip into the Great Victoria Desert next year to observe and photograph a “Thorny Devil” … you’d just adore one of them, google it if you get a chance…!

    Hey, um, oh no don’t worry, I was going to comment on that sexy post you did. No let’s stick to Bearded Dragons and Thorny Devils… 🙂

    Take care, Baz

    Reply
  7. No one gets past the Commish!!!!!!!!!!!

    Reply
  8. Oh, a school sounds like the perfect place! We watched a tree frog for our school this summer. The pets there get totally pampered. I think your husband is never going to give up that lizard. 😉

    Reply
  9. Aww he’s too adorable! I don’t know how you could ever give him up!

    Reply
  10. I love Smiles!!!
    I got a bearded dragon at the urging of my stepdaughter who is with us every other week. I love Maude and have bonded with her … so she’s staying though no one is much interested in her but my husband and I… Maude also loves to come out and socialize 🙂

    Reply

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