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If you ask me, brushing your teeth is a gift. My kids prefer money.

It hit me today at the dentist while all three boys were in various states of dental distress. My oldest was being cleaned, my middle x-rayed, and my youngest was getting the check-up. They all wore the cool shades that the office provides to shield them from the overhead light, and they all were brain deep into an episode of Scooby Doo playing on the strategically positioned TV. Yet, even with the lollypop flavored toothpaste – hello, irony – when all was said and done, we agreed, going to the dentist just sucks.

It inspired me to probe further to find out other things they hated. And while what I uncovered didn’t exactly surprise me, I was somewhat amazed when I realized that the stuff my kids hate to do is basically the stuff I consider among my favorite things.

They hate…

1. Brushing teeth. Straight from the dentist, it was no surprise this made the list. But, oh contaire dirty mouth little ones, brushing your teeth is not a chore. It’s a pleasure. I am so grateful for the invention of toothpaste. I never understood how anyone could forget to brush their teeth. I mean, don’t they smell themselves in the morning?

If Woody would have brushed his teeth, this never would have happened.

If Woody would have brushed his teeth, this never would have happened.

2. Showering. Every night, okay not every night, but most nights, my kids shower or bathe. You would think I was leading them to the torture chamber. They fight who goes first. They cry to put it off. And washing hair? Somewhere in between a major inconvenience and major tantrum.  I don’t get it. I mean, I’d never leave the shower if they didn’t come banging on the door because they were hungry, or tired of throwing things at each other.

Come on, bathing! It's swimming with soap!

Come on, bathing! It’s like swimming with soap!

3. Reading. What kind of cretins am I raising? I mean, yes, once I get them into a book or am reading a book to them, they’re generally engaged. But oh, the drama to get them there. You’d think my saying, shut the games and pick a book was like sentencing them to hard labor. Come on, babies, for the love of imagination and exploration and escapism, read, read, read!!

4. Sleeping. “Can we stay up soooo late?” is a frequent request while I’m droopy eyed and cranky longing for my snuggly bed. “We’re not tired!” They chant. And I think, are you f’n kidding me? You’re up at the crack of dawn, racing like ferrets on crack. Can’t they see that the later they stay up, the meaner I get? Also, we paid a lot for those Pottery Barn beds, get in them!

5. Veggies. Apparently, if it’s green it’s gross. Except for those Lucky Charm marshmallows. Anything in a Lucky Charm box is golden. Uh, not that I buy that crap. They must have eaten it at a friend’s house. For me, green is 50% of my diet. I love salads, broccoli, spinach, snow peas, sugar snap peas. You get the idea. Yeah, I’m not telling you the other 50%.

What? It's pistachio!

What? It’s pistachio!

Looking back, I see that all five of these dividers are basics of everyday life. The only real differentiating factor between my kids and I is age. So while they might say I’m old, uptight and boring. I say, they’re young, naive and clueless.

We’ll just have to agree to disagree.

31-dbbb It’s only day 2 of the 31 days to a better blog challenge. The challenge? Write a list. I don’t think I can keep this up.

About Ice Scream Mama

Mama to 3 boys, wife to Mr. Baseball and daughter of a sad man. I have a double scoop every day.

24 responses »

  1. HOney, you’re not old and uptight. They’re just young and foolish.

    Reply
  2. #4! omygoodness! I have a 35 yr old son, and a 28 yr old daughter. You brought back some memories from when they were little! From my son, I now have 4 granddaughters, ages 8 months to 17 years (and our daughter’s giving us another grandbaby in January 2014!) and being a grandma is soooooo much easier! Macaroni and cheese with orange slices for breakfast, no set bedtime…but what happens at grandma’s stays at grandma’s! 🙂 PS Happy Blogiversary! Blog on!

    Reply
  3. Winnie Schindler

    you sound just like a mom, but a great one.love ya

    On Tue, Jul 2, 2013 at 11:43 PM, Icescreammama

    Reply
  4. Favorite line: “Racing like ferrets on crack.” Gotta love a good simile, especially a FUNNY one!

    Reply
  5. 50% green, 50% ice cream? Sounds like a superb diet to me.

    Reply
  6. Haha, I really enjoyed this.
    When they finally have some interest in girls and develop an awareness of themselves, at least 1, 2, and 4 will change. To be honest though, I don’t know if that’s for the better. I think we would all love to go back to that time when we just didn’t care! Haha! (DISCLAIMER: I do participate in showers and teeth brushing.)

    Reply
    • thanks! i think you’re right! girls will be a major factor.. hopefully. and i do thing, when you’re young, you don’t care about that stuff. you’re a puppy ready to run. fun. 🙂

      Reply
  7. I’m so glad that my son likes taking a bath. I can usually read a few pages of a book while he is entertaining himself with pouring and splashing.
    Also, I’m trying to think of all of the flavors of ice cream that are green.

    Reply
    • i used to do that! i always carry a book with me everywhere. a page here. a page there. there’s only mint choc chip. and some sorbets, but we don’t count them.

      Reply
  8. That was funny

    Sent from my iPhone Alana Sikorski

    Reply
  9. I swear, it’s like you’re living in my house with my son. When I ask him to take a shower, I have to say, use shampoo, wash it out, put soap on your body, wash it off, clean your face and your privates and then get out. I’m amazed at how many times he would just stand in the water because I just said, take a shower.

    Reply
  10. We have the same children!! Except I have 2 girls in the mix and theirs – brushing their hair! Really?!?! One literally does not mind going out with a rats nest in her hair…I shake my head in horror – the other one says I’ll “bwush out” her curls….oh boy!

    Reply
  11. nataliedeyoung

    You make your kids SHOWER? You’re such a horrible mom.
    😉

    Reply
  12. My 12 year old son always asks if he can just rinse off in the shower. Like that extra minute or so of shampoo and soap is so difficult! Like you said, can they not smell themselves!

    Reply

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