For my whole life, writing has been part of who I am.
I wrote poetry in my youth; yearning, emotional verses mostly about boys, but also about my feelings. Genius like,
only troubled souls become writers.
Those who can’t deal with the real.
Deep, despondent hermits
Why didn’t my mother like me
Why didn’t my father listen
my kidney on my face
my heart in my fingers
All the world’s a stage
so put on a happy face.
Yep, I wrote that, decades ago. I know you’re amazed by my depth, right? Can’t you just feel the kidney on your face? Bahaha!
Sadly for the world of poetry, I moved on to sexy, fun novels with a bit a danger and mystery. Think Sydney Sheldon mixed with Danielle Steele. In one, the main character was stunning and incredibly smart with a striking, yet highly glorified, resemblance to the person who wrote her. I took those rejections quite personally.
For my short, undistinguished yet entertaining career, I worked as an advertising copywriter selling glamorous commodities like moisturizer and headache medicine. But the children took me away from all that, and now I work for me, my name is Ice Scream Mama.*
Sorry, Charlie. Got carried away there. (Extra scoops if you picked up the reference.)
Anyway, after having lost all ambition related to something other than a solid night’s sleep and a making it out of the house without pancake in my hair, I finally rediscovered myself with this blog. Blog. What does blog stand for anyway? Big Love Or Go? Bring Lots Of Goodies? Beings Letting Out Garbage? Ideas, anyone?
Now what was I talking about? Hmm. Give me a minute. Right. The blog. I love it. There’s pressure, there’s feedback, there’s structure and networking. There’s satisfaction, and it feels good.
I still have a brain! Hallelujah!!
So when two (Double yay!) of my essays were chosen for the most recent Life Well Blogged book, rainbow sprinkles filled my sky. I could barely control my excitement when I pulled it up on my Kindle.
There it was! An essay by me!
Wait, that’s not me. Crap. My name is spelled wrong. Wrong! I’m finally in print and it’s not me!!
I tried to have it fixed, of course, but was told that it probably couldn’t be corrected on Kindle. Still, they assured me that it was correct in the print version.
By the time my copy arrived, I was foaming at the mouth and practically ripped the envelope open with my teeth. Ohhh. It looked nice. I pet the cover lovingly.
Quickly, I flipped around and found one of my essays, “If you stop trying to touch my books, I’ll give you a cookie.” One of my favorite essay titles. Wait!
It’s supposed to be BOOBS!!
I quickly flipped to my other essay, “Daddy, what’s a boner?” This was the one on Kindle that had my name spelled incorrectly. Here it was fine. So, we were one for one going into the ‘About the Authors’ section. And my name is… correct! I start to read. “Alisa is a SAHM to three boys, wife to Mr. Baseball and daughter of a sad man.” Yes! “When not burning cupcakes or schlepping kids, she can be found hiding in her closet with a tub of ice cream.” Yes!“I promise you’ll be back for seconds.” Wait… I think something was missing there. “She is a married mother of one.” No! NO! NO!
Where did that come from? That doesn’t even make sense. Sigh.
The puff of publication pride sufficiently deflated, all I can say is, it’s still better than having a kidney on my face.
*Reference from the opening of Charlie’s Angels, of course.
Published, way to go. Next time they will spell it correctly! I am very proud of you. Keep writing so I cam keep laughing and crying.
well.. sort of.. haha. thank you. 🙂
Omg! Hysterical. Someone get an editor there!
So funny! I could see maybe ONE mistake, but they were on a roll!!
Oh I’m pleased and sorry for you all in one. The proof reader must have had a bad day (or is about to have one…..)
haha. it’s just ironic.
Nice work momma! This is all comically tragic. Book instead of Boob?? Come on people!!
right??? it is funny, though.
Oh boy! It’s all goodness wrapped in a soggy wet sandwich…I’m happy you got published but sad it was such a tragedy at the same time. It’ll get better the next time – but yeah seriously, that editor and/or proofreader really needs to be put in the town square and have rotten tomatoes thrown at him/her.
i’m taking it with a grain… of alcohol! hahaha
Ugh. It’s bad enough mentally correcting the rest of the world’s errors. If I saw them in my own work my head would EXPLODE. Still, how exciting to be published! That might just make up for some fool’s lazy proofreading.
Oh, and also, I still have a fair share of my embarrassing poetry from college (which, at least, never mentions internal organs on my face). You are braver than I, putting it out there for everyone, for I never shall.
i have no idea what i was smoking when i wrote that! haha!! maybe i was just into 3 bean salad?
i’m over it. 🙂
That poem is AWESOME. I am totally loving it.
HA! i so appreciate you commenting on my college poem. i have no idea what i was thinking , except maybe a hankering for 3bean salad but i recall thinking I was genius. hahaha!
That poem is great!! Love the kidney!!
Only you could make this funny!!! Congratulations!! The next time they will get everything right!! xo
thank you!! i so appreciate that!! 🙂
Um, totally got the Charlie’s Angels reference. 🙂 I absolutely love your blog. Thank you for writing.
yay! finally!! and thank you soo much!! i really really appreciate that. 🙂
You are a rockstar however your name is spelled. And I LOVE your poem! Depth is one of many traits you had and have in spades. Congratulations on being published!!!
thank you. and thank you for loving my college poem. it’s very entertaining when you look back at some of the things you wrote years back.
All that is genius – I love the poem, and congrats on being published! I don’t even know what to say about the errors. One side of me says imperfections make life perfect, or something equally unicornish. The other side says are you EFFING KIDDING ME – what hell is wrong with those people??? and sets fire to the book. Great post! Congratulations again!
thank you! and i like the unicornish way of thinking. so I will go poop rainbows on the book and move on. haha 🙂
Congrats!!!! That is awesome ( mistakes and all!)! You should be so proud of yourself…you are so talented!
I think the boobs post was one of my favorites of yours of all time. YAY for being published, and sorry about the whole kidney on the face thing.
ha! getting that kidney bean to stick to my face was so funny! but yeah, it ain’t easy. 😉
Yay for you! How exciting to have some of your writing published! Even if there are a few typos 🙂 I love your ability to laugh at yourself! Keep writing, and publish the next collection yourself! Your writing about parenting is brilliant! (And you look rather fetching with that kidney thingie on your face!)
thank you… and thank you.. i don’t like to brag, but really, no one can wear a bean on their face quite like me. 🙂