Stumbling from bed half awake, I literally hobble to the bathroom on feet that won’t walk straight, and a back bent over in a broken position. It’s 6:30am and although I’m up, it takes my body a few minutes to get with the program.
I look in the mirror, squint and look closer. Man I look bad. What the hey is going on around my eyes?! Okay, I need to stop squinting ASAP! At least my freckles are cute and sexy. Wait, I inspect more closely. OMG those aren’t FRECKLES, they’re AGE SPOTS?! I stare at the brown spots that were once freckles. I see how each little dot has literally consumed the one next to it and grown twice its size.
As I’m staring, I notice something else. Hairs – long, dark ones by the corner of my mouth. Ew. They’re so dark, I think the hair by my lip has sucked all the pigmentation from my head and that’s why I now also need an appointment with a colorist! What is happening?! I try to pull out the offending hair, but, yeah, it’s in-grown so I wind up having to dig into my skin, and I just know I’m squinting as I attack my face with the tweezers. Now there’s a puffy red mound next to my lip and half the offending hair is still deep in there. I’m getting prettier by the minute. Why did I get out of bed? Oh, right. It is a bathroom for a reason.
Business done, I’m about to head out when my eye is attracted to the flat metal square on the floor. I’m obviously a sadist this morning. NO! My brain is screaming. Do not do it. Don’t! But of course I will. There’s no stopping me it seems. I step on, exhale all my breath and look down. What are those??
Some scraggly, old witch is missing her feet! I want to turn away but I can’t help but stare at the scaly skin, funky nails and the deformed looking appendage that looks as if a 6th toe about to be born. I walk on those things? I am so distracted by the feet I used to fancy as foot model material that I almost missed the nail in the coffin. I’ve gained two pounds.
I want to kick the scale. I want to break the mirror! I want to…go back to bed! This is a very bad dream! Traumatized, I snuggle back under my protective covers. Someone obviously needs a whole lot of beauty sleep. I look at the clock. It is 6:34am.
I have 11 minutes to make it happen.