RSS Feed

Yup, I’m annoying. It’s a talent.

My six year-old rolls around the carpet of my floor while I try to squeeze in my half hour on the elliptical and try to finish up an episode of Masters of Sex, which is now on pause because of the rolling child who is supposed to be out front with my husband and his brothers doing yard work.

“What’s the matter?” I ask, each word a small puff of exertion.

His head is somehow underneath his behind and he mutters something I can’t make out. “I don’t understand what you’re saying when you’re upside down and talking to your butt.”

That gets him all silly. “Hi butt!” He says, “How ya doing?”

I wait for the ridiculous to work itself out so I can find out the actual problem and get back to my show. Finally, he sits up and the frustration bursts out in a gush, “I wanted to rake, but daddy said I can’t and he let everyone else!”

Apparently it is serious.

“Did you ask daddy if you could rake too?” I ask.

“YES!” He exclaims completely exasperated.

There must be more to the story but I work with what I’ve got, “Well, maybe there aren’t enough rakes. Did you ask to take turns?”

“YES!”

There is no way he did this.

“He wants me to shovel,” He complains. “I don’t want to shovel!”

“Shoveling is fun!” I say, “Why don’t you try for a little and then switch with one of your brothers.”

“I don’t want to shovel. I want to rake!”

I’ve got about 12 minutes more on this machine and I have exhausted my diplomacy skills. I can see that without physically going outside, my child will continue whining and waiting for my help. That’s when I stop trying to solve his problem and focus on a few of my own.

“Well, I know you haven’t brushed your teeth yet. Please go do that.”

He looks at me horrified. That’s not why he came to see me. He wanted retribution not a chore.

But that’s what I do to my children. Sometimes it happens right at the beginning and sometimes it closes out the conversation, but ultimately I seem to turn every interaction into a nag.

For example…

Imagine you’re contently sitting on the chair watching your favorite episode of Austin and Alley?

I’ll interrupt, “Don’t you have homework to do?”

Maybe you just finished your lunch.

I’ll remind, “Don’t forget to put your dish in the sink.”

You innocently walk into the kitchen for a hug.

I’ll note afterwards, “Gee, looks like the recyclables haven’t been done for a while.”

You’re happily brandishing a large bag of gummies from the candy store

I’ll scold, “You haven’t eaten dinner yet.”

You’re so excited that Daddy said you can watch a movie.

I’ll look at the clock, shake my head and tsk, “Sorry guys, it’s late and there’s school tomorrow.”

I’m the bearer of bad news; the annoying voice that always interrupts their games, their fun, their relaxation. I’m Debbie downer. I’m the waa waa waa. I’m… I’m the annoying mom!!

So be it.

At least I’ve managed a few extra minutes on my elliptical and my kid has clean teeth. Now get outta here. Don’t you have some work you should be doing? And comb your hair.

I’ve still got seven minutes.

photo (1)

 

About Ice Scream Mama

Mama to 3 boys, wife to Mr. Baseball and daughter of a sad man. I have a double scoop every day.

50 responses »

  1. Someone has to be the bad guy and it usually falls on the shoulder of the one we call ‘Mother’! You would think after awhile they would steer clear of you. LOL!

    Reply
  2. I’M NOT LISTENINNNNNNNNNNG!

    Reply
  3. We just got a treadmill and I love it but I do NOT love getting interrupted by a small person with a problem.

    Reply
    • redirection! it’s crucial! ‘oh, i’m so glad you came in. i need you to go….clean your toys, help your brother, wash your hands… Or you can just go draw quietly till i’m done. Yeah, thought so.

      Reply
  4. I. Miss. Those. Days. Ah, your post brings me back…

    Reply
  5. Oh yeah, that’s me, too. I call the hubs “fun dad” and I’m “mean mommy.” It’s just the roles we play. I’m good at it. Might as well go with your strengths, right? 😉

    Reply
  6. I wish my kid wanted to rake! This is sweet, actually. My youngest is 10 so I don’t get those interruptions anymore (and in a weird way, I kind of miss that).

    Reply
  7. And it never ends…I have variations of the same conversation with my 16 yo…but he rarely talks to his own butt..

    Reply
  8. Whatever it takes to get those 30 minutes in!

    Reply
  9. “ultimately I seem to turn every interaction into a nag.” OMG ME TOO.

    I *want* to be the cool mom, i really do. But not as badly as I want the dentist to stop shaming me for the state of my kid’s teeth.

    Reply
  10. How fast were you going, okay then take two scoops!

    Reply
  11. Wow. You have shown me the light. I will be an annoying mom and have a kid with clean teeth too. It’s my goal now.

    Reply
  12. Yay – I’m the annoying mom too! Deep down I think they love it though. My youngest is 17 and I still get the irritating questions at the wrong time.

    Reply
  13. I was a champion at redirecting when my kids were small. And “brush your teeth” was one of my go-to things to say!

    Reply
  14. My friends son once called her a fun crusher and we decided that was the perfect way to describe motherhood!! Lol!

    Reply
  15. The good news is that they eventually get it.

    Reply
  16. Raking is so much more funner than shoveling. Obviously! Duh! Hey, as a parent you have to use whatever tactics you can to get a few minutes of time to yourself. Bravo.

    Reply
  17. I’ve often used “Well you haven’t brushed your teeth/hair, so go do that!”

    Always a joy to read your anecdotes.

    Reply
  18. This is brilliant. Must steal the distract and destroy tactic. I am quite the nag too, but I’ve never thought to use the nag so cunningly. You are my new hero 🙂

    Reply
  19. Thank you for giving me another tactic to try. 🙂

    Reply

Talk to me... Come on.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: