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Rabbi, we have to stop meeting like this

We, the parents of the Hebrew class of Gimel, which means third graders to non-Hebrew readers, were called to temple recently for a teaching moment with the Rabbi.

In theory, this is a very nice thing. We have a friendly, young rabbi and bunch of parents who I have known for years. In reality, putting me anywhere near the Rabbi has in the past proven somewhat problematic. Apparently, Rabbis make me nervous or stupid, possibly both.

That’s why, I have resolved for the past year or so now, to watch my mouth and what comes out of it. I will not tell the rabbi, that my hotness is the reason that the room is warm. I will not swear ‘Jesus Christmas’ when I accidentally spill my coffee that I probably should not have brought into temple in the first place. I will not comment on any part of his appearance, like I did when he grew a beard after the passing of his mother, which, who knew – was connected. Um, every Jewish person but me.

This morning, the Rabbi tells us we were brought together to discuss the Shema. I’ve always been a good girl, but never a good Jewish girl, so I couldn’t really tell you what it means beyond that is a prayer that sounds lovely to ear and speaks to the heart of the covenant between you and God. I think.

It’s probably because when the rabbi started speaking I was too involved with searching for a butterscotch candy deep in my bag. Don’t worry, he waited for me to find it.

And when one of the women asked a question that made me roll my eyes a little, I couldn’t help nudging the friend next to me and giggling like an elementary school idiot.

It’s an informal gathering and thankfully the rabbi is kind and tolerant. I add my two cents here and there, and am my general babbling self, causing one woman to remark that I should possibly just lead the discussion.

Okay, then. I’ll shut up now.

And I did, silently chastising myself until the children all filed in. They were part of this ‘special activity’ with the parents and rabbi. They took their seats around the table and my eyes followed my little third grade boy, so freaking adorable with his new haircut that accentuates his huge, green eyes that are always glittering with mischief.

They all settled in and we turned our attention back to the rabbi. “So we are all here for this….”

The sound of a chair rustling interrupted.

The rabbi starts again.

More rustling.

It is, of course, my son.

We all turned to watch my impish boy as he worked to move his chair in between the two next to him.

When he was finally done, he looked up at me and smiled radiantly. I couldn’t help but smile back, but we’re going to have to have a talk when we get home. He just can’t go around being so distracting.

I have no idea where he gets it.

owen and me

Damn. I know where he gets it.

About Ice Scream Mama

Mama to 3 boys, wife to Mr. Baseball and daughter of a sad man. I have a double scoop every day.

23 responses »

  1. Well thank goodness the boys have something from their mother outside of the little one’s hair, of course. You are the second person I’ve read this morning who mentioned this Shema. I think the other woman wrote it Sh’ma. She prayed it while her mother was ill or something. I feel my world expanding what with getting to know so many Jewish people! What an oddly fascinating people you are! Wait, does that sound like a compliment? It was, so don’t take it any other way.

    • of course, they’ve all got pieces! the good and the questionably good.. ha. and never insulted by you. we are fascinating, although the rabbi might use a different adjective for me! seriously though, he does really like me, he can’t help it. haha

  2. Phyllis Horowitz

    And I know where >you< got it from!

  3. The apple never seems to fall far from the tree, does it?

  4. I love this part of you– the funny, smart, self-aware, iconoclast. That rabbi loves you and your adorbs son.

  5. I’m cracking up. I somehow always managed to screw it up around the rabbis too until both of my sisters married rabbis, then I got used to the idea of always having them around.

  6. So funny! I’ve been to Hebrew school and been a Bat Mitzvah, made one Bar Mitzvah and have a Bat Mitzvah in another 2 years, and yet I know so little about Judaism. And somehow, the Rabbi is always looking at me during the exact prayer to which I don’t know the words. I guess it happens to the best of us 🙂

    • i don’t know what it is… he definitely brings out the idiot in me. and yeah, i’m working my way through the system as well and seemingly without picking up any understanding of anything.

  7. Bahhaa apple falling from tree…yada yada.

  8. Hahahaha this cracked me up! I can tell, you and your son are the Rabbi’s favorite! 🙂

  9. Who will come out this adorable little boy?

  10. your everyones favorite

  11. This was awesome and I can so relate. My family always challenged our wonderful Rabbi, too — sometimes on purpose, sometimes, uh, not. But we know we made his job interesting and probably helped him rack up many more mitzvahs for his patience. You and your son are truly a blessing to your Rabbi 🙂

  12. I guess you can’t get mad at him for being disruptive EVER, now, can you? 😉 Always kind of stings when I see my kids do something and I realize, dang, that’s me right there. Oh well!

  13. This made me laugh as the grandmother one made me cry as I’m getting a pedicure So good Sent from my iPhone Alana Sikorski



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