I see you across the produce and intentionally look away, busying myself with finding a perfectly ripe avocado. We’re friendly, but not great friends, and I haven’t see you in a while. Of course, you notice me and zoom on over.
“Hey there,” you say with a smile. “How are you? I haven’t seen you in forever.”
I can feel you eyeing me up and down. I see you zero in on the tightness of my jeans. I don’t blame you. It can’t be helped.
“So how are the boys?” You ask considerately, calling them each by name.
I hear you talking about how second grade is going, but I know you’re thinking, “Man, she’s put on weight.”
I know it’s only a few pounds, but it feels like the weight of the world on my thighs, and I know everyone knows it. Everywhere I go, they’re all smiling at me and chatting like it doesn’t matter, like they’re not thinking, “She really let herself go.”
Sometimes, I think it’s just me. That I’m crazy, and no one really notices anything different about me. I mean, it is a bit self-involved to think that everyone is noticing me, that they would even recognize a few extra pounds. No one cares what I look like. Everyone is just worried about themselves, right? But then I know I’m just fooling myself. Of course, they are looking. We are all looking at each other.
“I think the last time I saw you was at that sushi place.” You say.
Of course, bring that up. Where else would I be but a food place, right? Eating. Thanks for rubbing it in.
“How’s baseball going?” You ask.
I nod blankly, because I’m really not listening. I know you’re just making polite conversation to cover up the elephant in the room.
“Hello…?” You laugh.
I smile, caught. I apologize for blanking out. You let it go, and repeat the question. You’re really very nice. But come on, seriously, when is this public scrutiny going to end?!! Why can’t I just go get my Tropicana, eggs and some Honey Nut Cheerios in peace without the third degree! Why are you torturing me!!!?
I mean really, enough is enough. The show is over. Do I need to sing??
“Nice, seeing you again.” You say, and start to pull your cart away. “By the way, you look great.”
Well I’m sure you didn’t mean it.
I wonder if Edy’s is on sale.
How do I follow you Ice scream for Chocolate flavour?!?!?!
hmm.. i don’t know.. i like all flavors.
Have a stunning day and God bless
It really is in your head. Every time I see you … you look great and I’m not just saying that. If I didn’t think so I wouldn’t write a comment. You should move on and enjoy your ice cream.
I hate those moments! Ugh!! It’s like..shit up and leave me alone already please! And was the Edy’s on sale?
it wasn’t. but never fear, it was at the next store!! haha
I usually take a sharp right down the pet aisle (despite not owning a pet) if I can possibly get out of these small talk situations. Painful!
no one likes feeling cornered.
I hate those moments. I wish I could banish all thoughts of “how do I look” when I see someone I haven’t seen in awhile, because my next thought is always “I definitely look worse than last time.” Why, oh why do we do this to ourselves? In other news, it’s a happy day when Edy’s is on sale in my grocery store.
i don’t know why!! sometimes, i know it’s in my head, sometimes, i know it’s in my body. still, i beat myself up all the same. but – yeah, not to the extent that edy’s on sale doesn’t make me happy!!! i’ll never give it up. it’s not worth it. 🙂
What’s an Edy…and it is all in your head, like someone else said!
ha! edy’s is a brand of ice cream!!! i know… but sometimes the crazy lives there as well as the person who knows. 🙂
Oh my gosh!! That happens to me ALL the time!! Especially since everyone I went to school with is now coming home from college and I never left. They are getting nice jobs and partying it up and staying skinny. I’m married with 2 kids and 40 extra pounds since high school. 30 pounds since my last child… So yeah… Totally know that feeling! Where’s the Ben and Jerry’s?!
i hate that feeling! but apparently not enough to stop eating ice cream 🙂
Don,t stop eating ice-cream…..(in case, cut out something else)
It’s in your head , anyway , believe your friends( doubletrouble and me , for instance…)
Though I know very well that sense of inadequacy , while looking yourself in the mirror and being unsatisfied…….
that’s all it is. it comes and goes. but i’ll never give up the ice cream. never! 🙂
This is the head noise I was talking about. I love that you can humorously laugh at this. Fat head… I got it!
thank you!! finally someone gets it!! 🙂
I’m constantly internalizing things too! It drives me crazy. I wish I had a mute button most days. Come to think of it, you could’ve used one during this casual run-in at the grocery store. Only if, huh . . .
ha!! i need a mute button in my head!!
I ALWAYS imagine people are judging how fat I look, when my rational brain agrees that about 99% of the time, the thought hadn’t crossed their mind…
thanks. it’s always bigger in our own heads.. 🙂
Oh boy, you nailed this! I have had these conversations in my head and I’m always convinced I’m right! I especially love when one minute I feel like I’m looking good and the next I’m convinced my thighs grew two sizes in 30 minutes. Nothing but fun in my funhouse brain. I’ll hold all those nasty thoughts for you whenever you want! Great post!
i can’t help it!! my brain does that sometimes. and i guess i really think people notice everything i do… i hope they don’t.
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