“Mommy, look, my hand is almost as big as yours!” Julius exclaimed, placing his little hand against mine.
I studied the smooth, five year-0ld fingers, stretching themselves out, trying desperately to seem bigger. I folded my fingers over, covering his. “You are so big!” I say, looking into his earnest, brown eyes. “How did that happen?”
“I don’t know.” He shrugs, and breaks free from my hold to bounce up and down. A jumble of dark curls bounce with him. “I just growed.”
“You certainly did.” I want to cry, but it’s breakfast time, not crying time. I place a bowl of mixed cereals by his place at the table, but he is still bouncing around me. I actually think the only time he stops moving is when he’s sleeping.
My seven year-old enters. Fair skinned, fair-haired and light-eyed, Michael’s expression is the only dark thing about him. He does not greet the day with a smile. “Hey, baby.” I tip-toe around his moods, but it’s hard with Julius hopping like a bunny at my feet. “Want pancakes?”
“I don’t want anything.” He scowls at me, but his eyes are so green and his face is so delicate and small, that I have a hard time not just grabbing that face and kissing him, which he would hate. “Okay, let me know when you change your mind.” I sing like Snow White, which is annoying to me, so I’m not surprised when his response is a growl.
I check the clock. Crap. My 10 year-old still isn’t down. I woke him twice already. Or, at least I thought I woke him. I race the stairs.
“Tyler. Come on, baby! Get up.” He is such a good, deep sleeper that I always just want to leave him be. Of course I don’t, but looking at his relaxed, boyish face snuggled under covers, reminds me of the baby he is, I mean, was. I hug him awake, and he responds with a sleepy grin.
“Mornin’, sunshine.” He really is sunshine. His eyes are gold. His hair is gold. He has always been a golden boy. I try to extract myself gently, but he pouts for more hugging. Finally, against my inner needy mommy, I push him off. “Let’s get moving.” I toss his clothes on top of him. “Don’t forget your socks.” I call as I head back down to the kitchen.
I am greeted by Michael demanding pancakes and Julius circling me like a puppy begging me to play Legos. Tyler slumps in, still sleepy, reaching for another hug. I give him one, along with a granola bar.
I marvel at each of my sweet babies at the table and my late grandma’s words echo in my ears, “Like the fingers on your hand, each of them different, special, yet part of the same.” These are my children. Whoever they are. Whoever they grow to be. And I will hold their hands until I have to let go.
Different in every way, except in how much I love them.
Icescreammama 
Now I’m dying for 3 kids. They are so gorgeous.
poo poo poo. sorry to get the spit on ya. 😉 and i love it, but it’s not without its challenges.
This is beautiful. Your love for your boys shines through this piece just like their personalities do. Thank you for sharing them with us!
thank you. i really appreciate that.
ooh i love this so much. 🙂 sooo beautiful.
thank you. i’m sappy today… uh, most days. 😉
They are fantastic! And you, too!
thank you. you always give me a boost. 🙂
This is beautiful! Brought a tear to my eye!
thank you. children are just so sweet..
Now you’re making me cry in the morning. Beautiful essay.
thank you. i think sometimes a morning cry is a good way to start the day. 🙂
Sniff sniff. I’m hormonal enough these days ;). xo
sorry. i don’t know what my excuse is, except that i’m a complete and hopeless sap.
so nice to see you.
Your boys are gorgeous! I love how you’ve captured each one’s personality so well — it’s almost like I know them personally.
Each of those boys are so exceptional in their own way. You and Howard are doing an amazing job!
So lovely. I have a 14 year old who has stopped holding on. It is an ache I did not expect. Hold old, momma.
Xo RASJ
(Aka: the chick in the sleeping bag coat.)
oh man, i dread that day. i believe you. i’m holding on as long as they’ll let me. probably longer.. 🙂
and really, who’s cooler than a chick in a sleeping bag coat? come on.
I have two sisters, and the three of us are each so different, but so close, just like your boys, because, like you guys, my parents allowed us to be exactly who we are. Your boys are lucky to have such an amazing mom.
thank you. it’s not always easy navigating the different personalities and needs. they get in the way of each other and it’s hard always doing the right thing for each.
What a gorgeous photo! Love the distinct personalities 😉
i only had 500 words, i didn’t even get started. 😉
Your boys are so handsome. I love how you captured their personalities, and the line from your grandma left me totally choked up. Beautiful post.
thank you. my grandma always had a way with words.
I love the way you color them in for us, giving us a peek into your world with them. So much gorgeous detail…
thank you, and they are so colorful. 🙂
Every time I read a post like this, I think, “Was I crazy for not wanting kids?” Thank goodness for kick-arse nephews and niece types.
love is love. 🙂
Oh, I love reading about your morning with your boys – they’re too cute. I love your closing: “Whoever they are. Whoever they grow to be. And I will hold their hands until I have to let go.” Enjoy each moment!
i’m trying but they’re going so fast!!!
Loved it! I sort of hate seeing my boys grow up.
same!! too fast!! but you’re still in deep, baby. and i mean, baby, baby. 🙂
Ugh, the ache! So much love and they grow up so fast. I saw a child today that I haven’t seen in almost 7 years–so crazy!!
P.S. that’s a beautiful photo!
thank you. it all goes too freaking fast!
Please tell me how to make them stop growing! Mine are 4 and 6 and I’m already getting desperate for grandchildren!! 😉
A beautiful post x
i know. too fast. you just have to appreciate and enjoy every day. think about it – the most frustrating long days are the ones that keep them little the longest. a new perspective to appreciate a bad day. 😉
Your boys are beautiful. And you show, through this writing, a little about each one’s precious and unique personality. Like you, I treasure the time with my boys, and recognize that they are all so different, and so perfect each as they are.
Wow, your boys are a handsome trio. The hand analogy is beautiful. Something to remember. I loved this. Taking time to cherish the everyday moments and the things that make each of your children unique and special.
thank you. yes, i really try to appreciate every day.. even when they’re really annoying 😉
Such handsome boys, and what a beautiful story you’ve told.
thank you. 🙂
It’s always amazing how unique each child is – even when coming from the same parents.
you get what you get and you don’t get upset! ha.
My goodness, you captured them. Save this. Make them each read it when they are 18 and about to leave home. Or embarrass them at their weddings. But they should read, when they are adults, the extent of your love for them. Thank you for letting us see that love. I hope I’m as good a mom as you one day. xo
thank you. thank you. thank you. i don’t want to forget a minute, but i have a terrible memory. thank goodness i write! 😉
There’s no crying in breakfast! Except when there is.
God, they are beautiful! And so is this post. Gorgeous writing – love the no crying time line. I’m also struck by how gentle and loving you are throughout the morning routine. I start off all Snow White-ish and end up all Cruella DeMama. I hope to learn from you or at least join you for ice cream one of these days!
thank you. and i agree about my boys. 🙂 i generally do stay pretty calm even in the face meltdown. i don’t know why, maybe it’s bc of my dad that i don’t take anything not serious, too serious, i just try to appreciate them while they still love me. i really am a sap.
right now, in heavy debates with hubby about blogher 13. so we just might be able to have that ice cream. 🙂
Awww….your boys are so handsome! And this is so true – I have three (but two girls and a boy) and they couldn’t be more different!
you never know what you’re going to get. thanks for stopping by. 🙂
Oh my Gosh, the ending totally made me cry. What a beautiful post. As the mom of 2 girls, you have perfectly summed up how I feel. 🙂 Stopping by from the SITS Sharefest on Twitter.
thank you. thank you. i’m a such a sap. 🙂
This was indeed beautiful! I have 2 boys and they are as different as night and day but I couldn’t sum up my love for them any better than you did: “These are my children. Whoever they are. Whoever they grow to be. And I will hold their hands until I have to let go.”
thank you. i’m a sap through and through..
Most good moms are;)
smiling. 🙂
This is so beautiful. I love it.
thank you so much. it’s special for me. 🙂
They are gorgeous, and this is a really beautiful piece of writing. It really screams that you care for them deeply. Even the little things, like knowing they all like different cereals, says a lot. This really is lovely 🙂
thank you. and i do. they are the air i breath.. although sometimes it’s can be a little stinky. 😉
Oh, this is so sweet!
thank you. 🙂
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I really want to thank TwinDaddy for introducing us. This is such a beautiful piece.
thank you elyse!! that’s so nice. a lot of my older essays are total sap. 🙂
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