Yesterday morning I woke up at 6:30am and dragged myself out of bed. Getting up wasn’t too difficult, I’m used it. I never even have to use an alarm. My crazy brain is alarming enough. Anyway, I hobble to the bathroom, my back feeling like a metal bar bent by the Hulk. That’s the way it generally feels every morning, slightly twisted and broken, but there’s no time for my problems, there’s work to be done.
Over the next 15 hours I will…
Be freaked out when my feather of a child is quietly and spookily standing behind me in the kitchen while I make lunches and the rest of the house is still asleep.
Fight because he wants to the play the iPad.
Go upstairs three times to wake my oldest son out of ridiculously deep slumber, before he finally drags himself down the stairs, looks at me and says, “Why did you wake me so late?”
Scurry, like a ferret on crack, trying to find said child’s homework assignment that has gone missing.
Negotiate between M&M’s or fruit roll up as snacks with youngest son to enter Pre-k without causing a scene. Lose, and give him both.
Listen to mom tell me about a serious hair problem.
Fly to the gym for my hour of stress-free time. I will think the entire hour about what I have to do and plan how to fit it all in.
Pick up dry cleaning. Go supermarket.
Call father to check in on how he is doing. He is doing crappy, as usual.
Pull up trash bins. Flip a load of laundry. Find lost toy that I spend years of my life searching for in kid’s pocket.
Pick-up Julius from Pre-K, wait for bus to drop Tyler and Michael.
Fight with them to do homework.
Fight with them to do it again, when they do it too fast and sloppy.
Hit my head on the table as I’m coming up from picking up the pencil Tyler dropped on the floor.
Have multiple play-dates over, kids running up and down the stairs, begging for snacks, pulling out every toy on my shelves, whining, complaining, fighting, finally, thank God, playing Wii.
Hang up on mom telling me same serious hair dilemma.
Make dinner, which kids refuse to eat.
Make another dinner. One kid will eat. One will drop plate on floor. One will cry he wants something else.
Bang head again on table, picking up food from floor.
Sing the tune to, Dolly Parton’s 9-5, while children tease each other mercilessly leaving each one them crying at 5 minute intervals.
Say, Bath Time!
Say, Bath Time!
Give up for moment and get laundry.
Scream Bath Time!!!!!!
Go up close in each of their faces, rip video device from hand and say in menacing voice, “If you ever want to see this thing again, you will get stinky butt upstairs now.”
Watch them run, amused.
Fight with them to get in.
Fight with them to get out.
Watch three naked boys with underwear on head run in circles.
Watch Hubby eat first dinner.
Watch Hubby eat leftover second dinner.
Say to children, “Time to read in bed!”
Hear husband say, “Time to wrestle!”
Say again, a half hour later, Time to read!!
Watch, fighting down mounting anxiety, as they jump on top of one another.
Go to freezer for ice cream.
Give very dirty look to husband.
Tuck all children in bed.
Start reading a book.
Be interrupted by children complaining they are hungry and begging for snacks.
Try to ignore them and keep reading.
Listen to extremely skinny child loudly moan in hunger.
Cave and go to cut up apples with scoop of peanut butter.
Sigh, and finally leave the room.
Say hello to husband.
Pass out on the couch while trying to watch a show.
Think how crazy and frustrating the day has been, and how blessed and lucky I am.
Want to cry happy, sappy tears because I love every annoying minute.
Wish everyone the happiest, most wonderful, delicious and thankful, Thanksgiving.
See you at 630 am to do it all again.
Strewth, that has got to be one of the funniest things I have read in a long time, fair-dinkum, and it’s all “reality life”…
And Janet has just let out a hallelujah; I’m not alone…!
“a ferret on crack” crikey, I’m still recovering…I can see this catching on in our (mad-house) household
And “undies on head”; (me and) TomO did that the other day!
Hey, I’d pay money to (be part of this) come and watch this…
Hell, I’m going back to read it again….
haha! so appreciate you amusement!! i guess, you have your adventure, and i’ve got mine!!
Oh my…..soooooooo much to relate to here!!!! Remember hearing a call go out….”let’s wrestle” and yes bath done, teeth cleaned, and sooo ready for bed! But then bed would have to wait another half hour!!! Icescreammama you’re one funny chick!!!! Cheers from Janet, Mrs Landy!
so nice to hear from you, mrs. landy!! you get an award for wife of year from me!! all that great cooking… and having a husband who literally lives his life on the edge?! it looks like a lot of fun down under!! cheers right back! 🙂
I agree with the Landy family – you are one funny chick! And jeez, do I know this drill. Soooooo well. And how crazy are we that we can find joy in these crazy routines? Certifiable! Today, I wouldn’t trade any of it! Tomorrow, I’ll likely be ready to send the bunch of them to live with you! Thanks to you, I’m off to give my kids and hubbie a hug. xoxo
you got to find the humor in it all, and just appreciate. i feel too sharply the movement of time… i know i’m going to be missing this whole crazy time, more than i even think -which is a lot!
Beautifully said. Happy thanksgiving! It really is the little things in life that we need to stop and appreciate. I think I smiled the biggest at you screaming for them to do bathtime. So ridiculously true:) great essay!
it is comical how they fight and stall and pout about not going in, and then, i can’t get them out!! life is funny!
Happy Thanksgiving to the best mom and daughter in whole wide world!
I’m so proud of you!
I’m a great follower of your blog which I adore.
I laugh a lot ,thank you so much!
well that made my day. thank you. 🙂
Spending ‘stress-free’ time stressing over to-do’s… lol’d a lot thru this one… thankful I’m a grandma now and my kids can have all of this kind of fun! 🙂
thank you!! it’s all so good (and insane). i know i’m going to miss it! but i am looking forward to grandma land too! 🙂