They pound into the backseat like an explosion, popping with energy, youth and hormones and the car heaves with the extra weight. I give a small smile in greeting but then concentrate on the road. I am just the driver. My job is to not say a word, suck in as much information as possible and deposit them at their destination without calling any attention to myself.
It’s hard when all I want to do is stare at them, at their maturing faces and expressions, but of course that would be weird so I just stare straight ahead wondering about these almost unrecognizable creatures who I have known for years.
I sneak glimpses through the rear view mirror at the angular lines and skin dotted with the blemishes. They are morphing into new people every day, every second. I want to study them and find the little boys who I remember. Where did the curvy cheeks and smooth skin go? The sticky smiles? The Hot Wheels and Pokemon cards? But really, where did the years go?
My son sits in the front seat next to me and keeps me in line, changing the radio to a more preferred station, giving me a stern nod when I start singing along. That is not on the list of things moms are allowed to do. I comply, of course. I want to be allowed to chauffer them places. I want to get to know them as they are now, these little boy men.
I arrive at the chosen house of hangout and watch them shoot out like firecrackers. They remember to thank me politely and I know their mothers would be proud. My own boy jerks his head to the left, momentarily tossing his surfer long hair off of his golden eyes to give me a sideways glance and a shy smile. “Bye, mama.”
Oh that face. I wish I could preserve it, set it in stone, hide it away in my heart and in my house and never have anything change. He is so beautiful and I know he will grow and become a handsome young man like they all are, but I have just this moment become desperate to stop time and hold on to this boy. I’ve already lost the baby who nuzzled me, the sweet kid who clung to me, and soon I will lose this face as well.
It’s almost too much but life forces me to accept that. Because I know that while I can capture a moment, I can’t capture my boy. He will grow and change. He will rise and fall. He will love me and leave me. And all I can do is sit back and be grateful that I’m along for the ride.
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This face has my heart, no matter what it looks like. Always. Happy almost 13 baby.
Icescreammama 
beautiful. my man child turns 20 next month. he is all my baby and yet such a man…i love seeing him grow up and he will always always have his mama’s heart!
so fast!!! but yes, of course, no matter who or what or anything, they are our babies.
Getting so big! I’ve never met him and I’m getting misty-eyed!
i like to re-read it just to cry.
Almost 13?! The years fly by don’t they? But remember that growing older is mandatory, while growing up is optional. So just keep in mind that he could still be a child at heart and will always be your little boy, even if his face is developing into something that displays maturity. I hope he has a great bar mitzvah! 🙂
thank you!! that’s coming up and yep, the maturity is sill years younger!! 😉
Today is the 24th! Your son’s birthday! I hope he has a great day. Tell him to enjoy the teen years, they fly by so quickly. May he live until 120! If you know what I mean. 😉
Thank you. I know what you mean. 🙂
It goes so quickly. My baby will be 11 in a couple of weeks and my son, the old man will march two steps closer to the 15th birthday that comes this year too.
The baby faces are almost non existent now.
those baby faces are so sweet! and of course that really means that they are growing up and away. boo hoo. i am in total sap mode today.
Maybe it’s because I’m reading this sitting next to my brand new, 2 week old, sleeping baby boy, and in my still-hormonal postpartum state, but I’m a puddle.
every time i reread, i cry. time moves so quickly but it also moves slow enough to appreciate it all. there’s nothing like watching them grow but it’s also a little bittersweet. enjoy your time, it’s all good.
Having such similar feelings as my oldest is turning 6 this week and I too am just happy to be along for the ride right now, but secretly wishing time could just slow up a bit (as much as I know it just can’t). Happy almost 13th Birthday to your son 😉
We always want the best stuff to slow down and the frustrating stuff to hurry up but it all just moseys along the same. Happiest to your baby too!! 🙂
Awww my baby boy is almost 15, I know exactly what you’re talking about, that odd staring straight ahead when all you want to do is grin and stare, LOL!
It’s so funny!! Someone needs to study these creatures!
As soon as I glimpsed your first line, I knew I had to read on. My eldest is turning 12 this year. I swear the scene you just described was from an after school scout trip last year I did with my son and his buddies. Weird how they’re these almost men, right? I love it and I hate it at the same time.
Exactly is sweet but it’s a little bittersweet as well! Growing up isn’t easy!!! For us!!!
Now I’m in tears. Just had the nicest nothing day with ry and think I want to keep him home all week 😉
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