For years I’d jerk awake, hearing her morning cry and think it was one of my babies. Even with my boys aged 13, 10 and 7, the sound instinctually propelled me from bed in a state of semi consciousness ready for nursing, throw up, a bad dream or whatever. About a ¼ a second later however, too exhausted to even roll my eyes, I’d mutter, “Be quiet, Buzz!” at the feline padding around my room, a small stuffed animal hanging from her mouth and immediately fall back to sleep. 
Back when she was a kitten, the truth is, I didn’t like her much. Even though I cupped her six week old body in my palms, feeding her through a tiny bottle in my New York City apartment, she never really left the bodega where we found her and remained stray and wild at heart. If she saw skin, she would go for blood. Early on, I recognized the merits of heavy socks and learned to tread lightly, especially if I needed the bathroom in the middle of the night.
Buzz relished the surprise attack, actually causing two of my cleaning women to quit screaming the words ‘gato loco’ as they rushed past. It was true. My gato was loco. But she was also frisky and sharp, and occasionally allowed me the privilege of stroking her smooth charcoal coat.
When I had my son, we immediately purchased a netted crib covered. Either Buzz realized she was on thin ice or instinctually knew that babies were babies and allowed them a free pass to roll around without fear or occasionally rip at her fur with no recourse.
I should have known since all her adult life she carried little Beanie Baby stuffed animals around, often moaning as she did. I am forever guilty of denying her motherhood, so I accepted her stalking attacks as payback.
Nineteen years is a long time to love a cat that I wasn’t even sure I liked. And I know she lived a good, long life, but it’s so odd now to be woken by silence.
A week ago, I found her always agile body unable to eat, drink or hold herself upright. She lay limp, surrounded by the stuffed animals she loved to carry. But I refuse to think of her that way. Instead I will remember the screaming cleaning women, her sleek, royal demeanor, her sleeping in my hair and laying all over my keyboard and know that my dangerous, beautiful wildcat is now stalking loftier pastures ready to pounce.
Love you, my crazy cat.
Icescreammama 
Beautiful tribute. You were lucky to have each other. ❤️
Oh no! So sorry. This is the third beloved pet that has met this fate in recent weeks. She was lucky to have you.
It’s so sad. I appreciate you saying that. On to the dog! Kidding! 😉
What a lovely tribute. So sorry for your loss. Run free, Buzz!
I would never wish a cat upon myself, but I do like other peoples’ cats. Sorry for your loss. 19 years is a pretty great run though.
It’s funny because I never liked cats either – only dogs! Yet, I’ve had three already and there a stray that knows to come around every night at dinner. So clearly, I’ve got a paw print on my head.
🙂
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Awh – sorry to hear about your cat! 19 years is a long time to have a pet!
I’m so sorry for your loss. I’ve never had pets, but I get very attached to other people’s pets. Even though I’m more of a dog person, I can handle cats anytime. Now, how about a perro loco?
Ha! There have been some negotiations. 🙂
Aw, you are a true cat worshiper. They are the gods of the house.
Please come back! I miss you!
Thank you. You just made my day. You know I’ve had a really rough time since I moved my father. And now that I’ve stopped for so long, I almost don’t know how to start. But I really miss it. After the new year, hopefully I can get it together. But again, thank you thank you thank you. It’s so nice to know that someone actually enjoyed what I was putting out there. 🙂
Oh yeah. I totally understand. There’s only so much of all of us to go around. I have read and loved your blog since I saw “I ruined my boys” and thought, “This woman is crazy! I wonder what else she’s going to write about.” (I had probably just finished making my 10 yr old son’s bed and arranging the stuffed animals on it in an appealing way.) I check on your page as part of the start to my day and I’m pretty sure I’ve read every post! And enjoyed them all! I hope your holiday is lovely and peaceful. Happy New Year!