My car is dead.
So I’m running laps around my block waiting for the tow truck guy and thinking about last Wednesday when I spent over an hour on the phone with my father and his home health aide, Jody, debating whether to call 911.
“I think we should call.” I said. “We’ve let it go for days and it has only gotten worse.”
“I hate the hospital.” My father whimpered like a four year-old.
“I know. But this is worse than your usual terrible.”
“I know.” He submitted. “Okay.”
It was almost too easy. Although my father spends the majority of his life at hospitals or doctor’s offices for his many, many, many conditions, often he ignores typical medical ailments that would send others rushing to the doctor. He constantly says, “Yeah, I know that’s bad, but it’s the least of my problems.” He’s not wrong. When you’ve got as many problems as he does, you learn to pick and choose. So when my father concedes that he should go to the hospital, he should go. This must be worse than I thought.
Jody called for an ambulance and they went to the hospital. I was home with Julius (the other boys hopefully enjoying their second day of school), contemplating what to do. Should I go to the hospital? I certainly didn’t want to. It was usually a long wait and my father was a miserable patient. I would have to find coverage for Julius and possibly the bus, if I couldn’t get back in time. He was there with his home health aide. The dual sides of my brain battled it out. Go. Don’t go. He has been hospitalized so many times, for so many things. Every day is something new. Don’t go. The last time I went for a procedure a couple of weeks ago, I spent hours in traffic, more hours sitting around waiting and he barely spoke to me. Don’t go. He doesn’t have anyone. Go. He’s suffering. Go. He’s always suffering. Don’t Go.
Ultimately, the car decided it. I got in and it wouldn’t turn over. It was dead.
So I spent the day on the phone with doctors and the hospital until he was admitted and we had some idea what we were working with. In between, AAA came and towed my car away. They said it was the starter. Sick dad. Sick car.
Yep, last Wednesday was fun, but now it is Monday. I’m running circles around my block, exercising my body and my brain, once again waiting for AAA and a doctor’s call. What will it be this time? I contemplate the problem, the diagnosis, the trouble. When will it end? Will it ever be fixed? It’s never-ending; the same thing but different. I am stuck, stranded, alone, unsure of what to do, unable to leave, unable to go. Trapped. Just keep running. Around I go.
My dad is in the hospital.
My car is dead.
Towing #1
Towing #2
- This man actually towed my car both times. Ground hog day. Ground hog life.
Icescreammama 
Isn’t it true that everything happens at once.
i feel that way about all last week! i’m hoping this week is better. i’ve got one more miserable post coming up. i hope i don’t scare anyone. 😉
You have to write how you feel! That makes the writing better!
sometimes i feel like, who wants to read depressing crap? but you’re right, can’t be funny all the time.
I hope your dad feels better soon. Amen.
-Naima.
it’s a long, windy, messy road he’s on. we go one day at a time. thanks.
He is in my prayers now 🙂
-Naima.
I’ll read anything you write. While my parents aren’t ill right now, I so relate to the back and forth thinking, tormenting myself with what’s the “right” thing. So hard. Here’s to a better week! Love the image of you running around the block … powerful.
that’s the nicest thing to say – and you’re not even related to me!! thank you.
so far… this week seems better, but i have one more miserable post from last…
Writing is the best therapy for those of us who have to get these things out. My Mom lives with us and we try to laugh at all the craziness, but sometimes it just isn’t funny. Thank you for this post. The reality of knowing we are not alone in some of burdens life throws at us is always helpful. You’re an inspiration
i so appreciate your comment. i worry about writing about stuff like this. 90% of what i write is generally funny, but my father is kind of a disaster physically and mentally. it’s a struggle and sometime (as you’ll see in an upcoming post) it doesn’t bring out my best. i don’t know if people really want to read the stuff i don’t really want to live. 😉
still, we do the best we can, right? no one said life was easy, but we appreciate and we laugh. 🙂
If you are expressing from the heart, you should never worry. Keep writing, and letting it out. At the same time always helping someone who reads it.
you’re right. thanks. 🙂
Love groundhog life-
Sent from my iPhone
aint it the truth. aint it the truth.
Towing#1 is best pic ever…. Hope Dad is ok. xoh
it is cute. 🙂
despite my next miserable post, father is doing better these last few days. thx.
Strange but I think your living my mothers life. I remember my childhood being very much like this and to this day I have grown up and think the very same way. Living in another country from all my family makes me worry more than I ever have before.
Hope you dad is ok and keep your chin up… Its how we handle the shit that happens that gets us through it all..
thank you!! sometime’s life’s not easy, right? but we get what we get and do the best we can. 🙂
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